She’s back on the big screen this week with new film Office Christmas Party in which she plays an uptight CEO. As part of the film’s promotional junket, she’s admitted being part of the Mile High club, discussed the media’s obsession with her body image and voiced her upset at the pressure put upon her to have children. There’s more than meets the eye to glowing super-celebrity Jennifer Aniston so our Witch Twitch cast the runes to find out more… Destiny The daughter of Days Of Our Lives star John Aniston and goddaughter of Kojak actor Telly Savalas, our girl Jen was always destined for fame and fortune. But when she landed the role of Rachel Green in sitcom Friends no-one, not even the fates, could foresee that she would become one of the richest women in entertainment, with an estimated wealth of $150million. Not bad for a girl who in essence became famous for her hair. Animal Instinct Jennifer’s totem animal is the otter. The true coquette of the animal world this graceful, elegant and playful creature informs the award-winning star’s personality and characteristics. She is part of a sisterhood (a true girl’s girl), content to share the good fortune of others and assumes all other creatures are friendly – until proven otherwise. Envy, or cattiness, has no space in her life so those who continue to think she still holds a grudge against Brangelina are widely off the mark. This joyful little creature is all about giving (she’s a great philanthropist and humanitarian but unlike others prefers to keep this under wraps) and, over time, ultimately forgiving. Our Witch Twitch says don’t be surprised if in the future her shoulder is there for Brad although we can’t quite see the other one supporting Ange. Romance Our cards show that despite being loved up with her hubby filmmaker and actor Justin Theroux the Horrible Bosses star will always have a place in her heart for Brad. Her relationship with him catapulted her into the upper echelons of Hollywood and helped shape her as a person and as an artist. That break was always going to be hard and throw her off balance. However, our Witch Twitch says her equilibrium now restored Jen is strong enough to love the way she wants to love. It took the 47-year-old time to find a new lobster but the tarot shows Mr Theroux is a good fit and provides just what she needs – the dirty to her martini. The Future Looks Bright The tarot shows the cup runneth over for this sharp businesswoman. There’s another slice of cake to be had and this time it will come complete with icing – the awards and nominations that allude her. Our guides say there’s a big small screen venture, too, but not the one her legions of adoring fans dream of. No reunion here. That’s firmly in the past for this shining star whose focus is firmly fixed on the future, not the past. Our Witch Twitch says be prepared to expect the unexpected from our favourite friend.
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Olly Murs is the boy-next-door who has shown that with the likeability factor, a pair of super tight trousers, some raw talent, a lot of hard work, buckets of self belief and a dose of good fortune you can climb to the top of the entertainment ladder. On Saturday and Sunday (December 8 & 9), the singer-songwriter will be performing at this year’s Capital FM Jingle Bell Ball 2016 at The O2 alongside artists such as Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding. So we thought we’d take a look into our crystal ball to find out a bit more about the star… What’s In A Name Olly’s name is inspired by the olive tree. In biblical terms it is associated with extending an olive branch as an offer of peace. However, our guides say, the Wrapped Up singer doesn’t always follow this gesture of goodwill. The cards suggest he’s a stubborn mule and finds it difficult to forgive and forget. If he feels he’s been wronged by someone, he’ll close the door on that person forever – even if it means hurting himself in the process. He’s not spoken with his twin brother Ben since he made the semi-finals of The X Factor in 2009 – but more about that later. Our Witch Twitch reminds though that to err is human, to forgive divine. Romance Since splitting with girlfriend of three years, property manager Francesca Thomas, Olly has been playing the field. But, the cards reveal, he’s not a happy chappy. The novelty of being footloose and single is wearing thin. This cat in the hat likes the security and comfort of being in a relationship. But, Ladies, be warned he’s rather picky. To make his heart skip a beat, you need to be ultra feminine, be a great cook, down-to-earth – and be ready to be at his beck and call. We reckon Olly’s gorgeous gal pal Caroline Flack – with whom he’s been known to have sneaky snog - would be the perfect fit apart from the fact her social calendar’s too full. Our Witch Twitch says that Olly needs to look outside the world of entertainment for a new love but to make sure she’s the real deal. The cards show a reunion with a past flame or flirtation may just be the answer. Ambition Don’t be fooled by the cheeky-chappie persona, the cards show that our Olly has a core of steel. When he auditioned for The X Factor in 2009 and said his ambition was to be a “international superstar” he meant it. Nothing or no-one was going to stop him - his twin Ben found that out when our man Olly chose to rehearse for The X Factor semi-finals instead of attending his brother’s wedding). Our guides say despite not having the strongest of voices, Olly’s grit, will, determination and sheer hard work has seen the former recruitment consultant now transform into a credible artist. The cards show he has good judgment when it comes to money and commercial matters (unlike others in the Syco stable he’s never fallen out with the boss), and that he understands how to build and accumulate material wealth (he’s now on to his fifth album release with accompanying sell-out tour). Our Witch Twitch says, as long as he stays true to his roots, always finds the time to play football with his mates, there’s still a lot more singing, presenting and acting to come from the Essex Geezer. Inner Secret The cards show the 32-year-old dreams of the perfect family life. He pictures himself as an adoring husband, with a beautiful homemaker of a wife, and as a devoted dad, taking Olly Jnr with him to see his beloved Manchester United and treating Little Miss O to the latest Gucci bag. However, the tarot reveals the Grow Up singer is wrestling with this image partly because he feels he’s too young to “settle down”, and partly because he feels he cannot jump off the Murs bandwagon in case he can never again get back on. Our Witch Twitch says the fates may just step in, take the matter into their own hands by making sure, like one of his song titles suggests, that he’s in the right place at the right time. There seems to be nothing that comedian, actor, author and presenter David Walliams cannot do. His shelves are groaning under the weight of TV awards, while his book sales have run into the millions. On its release his latest children’s work, The Midnight Gang, went straight to the top of the UK Best Sellers list. Next week (December 1), sees the 6ft 2in national treasure-in-the-making coming to Indigo at The O2 for a special live Christmas Spectacular where, alongside fellow children’s writer Jeff Kinney, he will entertain with the ubiquitous Walliams’ wit and wonderfulness. A long-time stargazer of the BGT judge, our Witch Twitch was only too happy to cast his runes. Destiny Calling In numerological terms, David’s destiny is driven by the number three, a highly-charged digit that points to the stars. He’s a natural-born showman – and salesman – with a highly-developed imagination able to pitch his self as all things to all men and women. This divine gift has helped him, with comedy partner Matt Lucas, to create some of TV’s most memorable characters. But, the tarot shows, it’s not all work and no play. Oozing charm, fizzing with fun, Mr Walliams doesn’t just bring the party, he is it. He loves to be the centre of attention, to hold court. Put simply, he loves to be adored. Flattery is his nectar. Our Witch Twitch warns this, however, may also turn out to be his Achilles Heel. The One He’s an elegant eagle ray when it comes to the great pool of love; uniquely moving his pectoral fins and abdomen to attract potential mates. Our guides say he falls hard and heavy, always believing he has found “The One”. However, if the match doesn’t work out, when computer says “No", he may mourn the loss of the relationship for a while but, then dolphin-like, he’ll dive right back in and on to the next “The One”. The cards show he bears no ill-will to those he has loved and lost, including his ex-wife and mother to his son, Alfred, Danish model Laura Stone. One may even say he feels quite sorry for them. After all once you’ve experienced his magnificence everyone else pales into insignificance. However, our Witch Twitch warns there will only be so many The Ones before the ever-optimistic diver hits shallow waters. Need To Succeed The Tarot shows that whatever David turns his hand to will be a success. He has total faith in his own abilities so that no challenge or task is too great. Swim the Channel. “Yes, I can do that no problem, let’s throw in The Thames and the Gibralter Straits, too.” Write children’s books. “Why not? I’ll have a go at writing a screenplay for DreamWorks on the side.” It’s not the new experiences that drive him per se, but the need to demonstrate that he can master them. The tarot shows he has a point to prove which makes our Witch Twitch wonder just whose voice he hears whenever he celebrates another achievement. Inner Secret Our guides suggest David seeks a bigger stage than little Britain on which to showcase his genius. Hello, Hollywood! Anything Ricky, and Russell can do… Our Witch Twitch suggests it’s out there for the taking but David will need to switch things up, assume a new role. Rein in the camp and cross-dressing Emily Howard and focus on the Terry Thomas debonair. He’s almost there which bodes well as the crystals show he has so much still left to do. But, Our Witch Twitch, warns at his back he always hears, Time’s winged chariot approaching fast! An insightful media commentator or an overbearing bully whatever your thoughts are on Jeremy Clarkson there’s no escaping the fact he is indeed a Special One. The former Top Gear frontman has not been seen on our screens since being axed by the BBC for punching a producer in a row over a cold buffet (yes, hot food is that important to him). But now he’s back with new show, The Grand Tour, which launches tomorrow (November 18) on Amazon Prime, with the biggest budget ever for a streaming internet TV series. It will also see the no-nonsense motor mouth become the highest paid TV star in Britain which, for obvious reasons, has sent our Witch Twitch into overdrive. What’s In A Name In Hebrew the name Jeremy means exalted of the Lord. Couple this with his initials being JC and it’s no coincidence that our Jezza is a man who at times can behave like someone with a God complex. The tarot cards suggest this media giant – he is a vertiginous 6ft 5 - has an un-moving mindset that he is infallible; never likes to admit he’s wrong; and would rather die before failing at any task no matter how difficult or daunting it may be. These traits have seen him outmanoeuvre his wingmen, Richard Hammond and James May, in numerous driving challenges; catapult him to the top of his profession; and become an icon to MAWM. Our Witch Twitch points out these same traits were also the driving force behind mass murderer Charles Manson, cult leader David Koresh, whistle-blowing M15 spy David ‘now call me Delores Kane’ Shayler and US President elect The Donald. The heavens say: World you have been warned. Destiny’s Child It would appear the stars were perfectly aligned when little Jezza passed his driving test in his grandfather’s ‘R’ type Bentley thus setting in motion a string of events which has seen him glide effortlessly like a Rolls-Royce Ghost Series II from a local reporter to global star. But, our guides say, it’s not all down to luck. This talented individual is fiercely ambitious and a natural born leader. He’s driven by a need to succeed. The tarot shows there are times he fears that fame and fortune may all disappear which is why he sticks to the familiar. He got his lucky break back in the eighties when he had Genesis playing on his in-car cassette player and he strutted his stuff in a trusty pair of Levis. Our Witch Twitch says: If ain’t broke don’t fix it. Friend Or Foe Despite the negative impression of him in the media, Jeremy attracts friends easily. However, to be part of his gang, the tea leaves reveal, you need to have a spirit of adventure and be fiercely loyal. If you tick these boxes, you will be richly rewarded, as his co-presenters Hammond and May discovered when they quit Top Gear in protest at his sacking. Friend-to-the-end Jezza immediately got them signed to his new show where they will each earn a reported £7.2million a year – a distinct improvement on the £500,000 annual salary they were said to earn on Top Gear. Loyalty pays. And what’s become of Jezza’s treacherous pal, The Ginger One who was quick to step into his Top Gear size elevens. ‘Evans only knows. And our Witch Twitch says: Frankly, my dear Chris, Mr Clarkson doesn’t give a damn. Inner Secret The tarot shows that although Jezza comes across as arrogant and super confident deep down he is really quite shy and reserved. His boorish nature is a camouflage for what is inherently a desire to impress. In truth he wants to be liked, to fit in. He really didn’t mean to punch Piers Morgan in the face, take a swipe at those paparazzi or deck that producer. But, our guides, say he wears the mask well and the only one who really knows is the man looking back from the rear-view mirror in the driving seat of the Lamborghini Gallardo. Today (November 14) will witness a truly spectacular sight: A supermoon. Not just any full moon in the night sky but one that will shine brighter and appear larger than it has in the last 68 years. This rare November supermoon is one for the record books, not since January 25, 1948, has a full moon come this close to Earth. And there won't be another one until 2034. So make sure you get out there and bask in all its lunar glory. So what does the supermoon have in store for you... Today's supermoon will occur when the sun is in Scorpio and the moon is in its opposite sign of Taurus. These two heavyweights find it difficult to get along, with the intense energy of Scorpio jostling for supremacy against stability-craving Taurus. This clash will produce a burst of energy that you can either embrace or oppose. We suggest you plump for the embrace option, otherwise there could be some serious struggle ahead. Emotional times All full moons tend to bring out the emotional side in us but the extreme closeness of this supermoon will end up supercharging our feelings. To be forewarned is to be forearmed - so if you suddenly feel like howling at the moon - or your partner - then we advise you go and take a long hot bath to calm those sudden urges. With emotions running high this is the ideal time to heal any rifts with family and friends. You'll feel a lightness within yourself and will wonder why you ever fell out with that person in the first place. Make the most of this supermoon and bury the hatchet. Life is too short to bear grudges. Re-evaluate your goals This is an opportunity to take stock of where you are in your life and to work towards your goals. You may need to make some minor adjustments to plans, to keep them within grasp. But the practical side of Taurus will help you to make the right decisions. Word of warning, this is not a time to get ahead of yourself, to let your ego overtake. Its important to stay grounded and to be conscious of how you are presenting yourself to others. Be confident without being arrogant. Kick back and relax Taurus is the sign of stability and security so with the moon in this sign it's the perfect opportunity to enjoy home comforts. You'll feel that you won't want to venture too far, preferring to hunker down, stay home and relax. This is the perfect excuse to catch up on that Suits Box Set, Sophie Kinsella novel or cuddle up with your nearest and dearest. Ditch the bitch The supermoon urges you to break free from toxic people in your life. The psychic vampires who drain you of energy, the frenemies who smile while stabbing you in the back. Any relationships that are damaging you or holding you back need to be fully re-assessed. Don't be afraid to cut all ties if you find that someone is not worth the time, effort, or stress they cause you. So by understanding and working with the shift in energy this supermoon brings you should find that life runs that little bit more smoother. Sometimes, it takes something heavenly to make sense of things, to remember that we are all simply passing through. Picture by Neven Krcmarek c/o StockSnap Idris Elba is the boy-done-good from Hackney. So stratospherically good, in fact, that he’s part of the Hollywood A-list, with the likes of Beyoncé, Jay-Z, Russell Crowe, Madonna (more about her later) and Sean Penn on his speed dial. We don’t need an excuse to dowse his dark depths but, as this week sees the release of his latest London-set movie, 100 Streets , it would seem rude not to engage our Witch Twitch. Deep Roots Despite making a healthy crust from what is essentially pretending to be someone else, the rune stones show Idris has his feet firmly planted in reality. His East End roots run deep and as such provide him with the swagger, style, gritty glamour, and, of course, that distinct vernacular that has helped turn this Newham-born geezer into an international player. However, our Witch Twitch warns that Idris needs to beware casting directors trying to turn him into a parody – he’s too good an actor for that. Fortune Favours The Brave With a name that means Fiery Lord and a numerical birth number that stands for bravery Idris’ star alignment shows there is nothing he cannot master. It is the drive that has seen him take part in – and win - his first professional kick-boxing bout at the age of 43 at York Hall (cheered on by a ringside Madonna); break the land speed record; pilot an acrobatic plane; design and model his very own men’s clothing collection for Superdry , while dropping the beats as DJ Big Driis, oh, and receiving an OBE for services to drama. But for all his dare-devilry, diversity and dynamism will he ever play Bond? We’ve cast the runes and they say it will come down to The Wire. Love and Romance With a couple of failed marriages behind him and his relationship with baby mama Naiyana Garth hitting the rocks earlier this year our guides suggest that long-term romantic unions aren’t necessarily Idris’s strong point. The Tarot shows that when it comes to relationships Idris may be too emotionally detached at times. But that doesn’t stop him from being a consummate flirt. Put a pretty lady under his nose and his charm goes into overdrive. Word of advice though when we say “Lady” we’re referring to someone with grace and elegance. The way to this man’s heart is to keep it smart, discreet and under wraps. Madonna, are you listening! It’s in the stars that a flirty friendship will blossom into something more meaningful. Be warned though this one will pack a punch and provide our Idris with more thrills than any drag car racing event ever could. Inner Secret He may be as sharp as his tailoring but underneath it all lays a soul that is in a bit of a two-and-eight. He seeks peace and happiness which will only come when this loner-by-nature allows himself to trust and be open to love. If he can embrace that side of his character, play that particular role, then he really can have it all. She was supposed to be performing at The O2 on Friday (November 4) as part of her world Revival Tour but instead the perfectly formed Kill Em With Kindness singer Selena Gomez is back in the US battling her demons after cancelling with “anxiety and depression”. And where those dark tormentors lurk our Witch Twitch isn’t scared to follow, with a giant spotlight thrown on a few home truths. The Tarot reveals that living in the public eye is beginning to take its toll on the former Disney Channel starlet. And, although they don’t predict another Disney Princess, a la Britney, Demi, Miley, and Lyndsay getting creative with the scissors or taking on the role of crash test dummy in a pumpkin coach, they do show that Gomez needs to regroup and take some time out to enjoy her life. What’s In A Name Selena takes her name from the Greek Moon Goddess, a bewitching creature that rules the night, whose gravity regulates the Earth’s tides worldwide, triggering seed swelling, seed bursting and seed germination. To be less cryptic, anyone – especially members of the opposite sex – who enter her orbit are captivated by her and never stand a chance against her magnetic pull. Romance On this subject, we’ve cast the runes and The Heart Wants What It Wants. Bieber Boy. In truth our little Cancerian fell deeply for the boy wonder and wanted the happy-ever-after ending. She is a Disney Princess after all. She’s still struggling to come to terms with the break-up. Despite the swirling rumours that she is to be named in the Brangelina break-up, and Biebs putting on a peacock display with model Sofia Richie, our Twitch is not buying it. Jelena have a “ting” and there’s a giant heavenly chess game being played to get them back together. Everyone else is simply a pawn in this chequered affair. Behind The Mask
Our guides suggest that behind the cute persona lays a highly ambitious and tack-sharp businesswoman who in her quest for security will do what is needed to get the job done. She’s not going back to her childhood roots that saw her family struggling. That’s even if that means firing those nearest and dearest to her – like momager Mandy Teefey, trading up boyfriends (it hasn’t done best pal Taylor Swift any harm) or taking off her kit to promote a new album. A word of caution for our little Witch of Waverly Place though: Where Mammon rules, true love won't flourish. Inner Secret The Tarot shows the Good For You Singer dreams of changing the world and wants to be known for her courage and original ideas. Despite already being a global superstar with millions in the bank from box office and album sales, it’s still very early days for this 24-year-old. She has a long journey in front of her with some surprising career moves along the way. The stars see her Mexican heritage informing this – and when it finally comes it won’t be a wave but a Tsunami. Q: One of my female work colleagues has sprouting facial chin hairs. I don’t have a problem with it but a few of the guys in the office have started to make jokes about it. How do I politely tell her? Carly, Canary Wharf A: I’ve tapped into her energy and I’m not sensing that she’s intending to channel her inner Chaz Bono (who we have to admit being a little in love with) or trying to save money on a Hallowe’en costume. It may be that she needs to get her eyes tested or to buy a bottle of Windex to clean her home mirrors in order to clearly see the sproutage. You could leave a few subtle hints on her desk like a Gillette Mach3 turbo razor, a box of Veet ready-to-use wax strips or a copy of Rufus Cavendish’s The Little Book of Beards. Alternatively, hide the office wastebasket from the cleaner, fill it daily with rotting fruit and half-eaten sarnies. The office will soon be deluged by flies. This is when you “come to the rescue” with a roll of fly paper. Pretend to trip over when you’re standing next to the Bearded Lady holding a sheet of the paper. As you put your hands out to steady your fall aim for her chin with the paper, apologize, stand up and then quickly yank - R.I.P you wiry little suckers. So Mote It Be Since announcing that Tesla will produce a car that will drive from LA to New York by the end of next year our Witch Twitch has gone into overdrive around its founder Elon Musk. The billionaire business magnate, investor and inventor – said to be the inspiration for Tony Stark , the genius engineer played by Robert Downey Jr in the Iron Man movies – is somewhat of an enigma but that’s not stopped us from dowsing his hidden depths. Destiny With a name like Elon Musk he was always destined to be a player on the global stage – either that or a Sacremento-based professional skunk trapper. In numerological terms his name characteristics denote he operates on a higher spiritual plane, is intuitive, illuminated, an idealist and a dreamer. It’s little wonder then that he’s so hell bent on getting to Mars with his SpaceX company where he wants to create a bolthole for humanity. Behind the facade Our guides suggest that Elon is not all what he appears – we’re not referring to the fact he doesn’t seem to have aged in 30 years or that conspiracy theorists are convinced he’s an alien here to save the planet. There is something rather other- worldly about him, however, we predict if you strip away the swagger and the stellar wealth, there’s a man-child like the Tom Hanks character in Big who’s rather shy, a bit goofy and a little awkward. Despite the trappings of being a billionaire – the private jets, supercars palatial pads, around the world, Hollywood wives and girlfriends (more about them later) – we’re not convinced Elon is in it for the money or the lifestyle. We sense he’s more interested in working with his ideals, rather than in dollars and cents. Romance The cards suggest he is a born romantic and is deeply concerned and supportive of art, and beauty in any form. Perhaps that’s why he keeps marrying British actress, writer and director and star of new HBO show Westworld Talulah Riley. They’ve tied the knot twice now, with each subsequent divorce costing Elon millions in alimony. We’re wondering if it’s going to be third time lucky for this star-crossed pair especially as a recent Twitter exchange between the pair included the hashtag #OfcourseIstillloveyou from Riley. We’ve cast the runes and it would appear she’s his kryptonite. Inner Secret His soul is looking for a life of freedom, excitement and unexpected happenings. Yet, he harbours a secret dream of surrounding himself with the perfect family in the perfect home. He’s already well on his way in the department being a dad to five boys, a set of twins and triplets. But the cards suggest there’s even more to come His cup continues to overfloweth. |
AuthorThe Witch of the Wharf is a published writer and blogger. A favourite with celebrity clients for her uncannily accurate readings. Archives
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