Star Reading... Jeremy Clarkson

An insightful media commentator or an overbearing bully whatever your thoughts are on Jeremy Clarkson there’s no escaping the fact he is indeed a Special One. 
The former Top Gear frontman has not been seen on our screens since being axed by the BBC for punching a producer in a row over a cold buffet (yes, hot food is that important to him). But now he’s back with new show, The Grand Tour, which launches tomorrow (November 18) on Amazon Prime, with the biggest budget ever for a streaming internet TV series. It will also see the no-nonsense motor mouth become the highest paid TV star in Britain which, for obvious reasons, has sent our Witch Twitch into overdrive. 

What’s In A Name 
In Hebrew the name Jeremy means exalted of the Lord. Couple this with his initials being JC and it’s no coincidence that our Jezza is a man who at times can behave like someone with a God complex. The tarot cards suggest this media giant – he is a vertiginous 6ft 5 - has an un-moving mindset that he is infallible; never likes to admit he’s wrong; and would rather die before failing at any task no matter how difficult or daunting it may be. These traits have seen him outmanoeuvre his wingmen, Richard Hammond and James May, in numerous driving challenges; catapult him to the top of his profession; and become an icon to MAWM. Our Witch Twitch points out these same traits were also the driving force behind mass murderer Charles Manson, cult leader David Koresh, whistle-blowing M15 spy David ‘now call me Delores Kane’ Shayler and US President elect The Donald. The heavens say: World you have been warned. 

Destiny’s Child 
It would appear the stars were perfectly aligned when little Jezza passed his driving test in his grandfather’s ‘R’ type Bentley thus setting in motion a string of events which has seen him glide effortlessly like a Rolls-Royce Ghost Series II from a local reporter to global star. But, our guides say, it’s not all down to luck. This talented individual is fiercely ambitious and a natural born leader. He’s driven by a need to succeed. The tarot shows there are times he fears that fame and fortune may all disappear which is why he sticks to the familiar. He got his lucky break back in the eighties when he had Genesis playing on his in-car cassette player and he strutted his stuff in a trusty pair of Levis. Our Witch Twitch says: If ain’t broke don’t fix it.

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​Friend Or Foe 
Despite the negative impression of him in the media, Jeremy attracts friends easily. However, to be part of his gang, the tea leaves reveal, you need to have a spirit of adventure and be fiercely loyal. If you tick these boxes, you will be richly rewarded, as his co-presenters Hammond and May discovered when they quit Top Gear in protest at his sacking. Friend-to-the-end Jezza immediately got them signed to his new show where they will each earn a reported £7.2million a year – a distinct improvement on the £500,000 annual salary they were said to earn on Top Gear. Loyalty pays. And what’s become of Jezza’s treacherous pal, The Ginger One who was quick to step into his Top Gear size elevens. ‘Evans only knows. And our Witch Twitch says: Frankly, my dear Chris, Mr Clarkson doesn’t give a damn. 

Inner Secret 
The tarot shows that although Jezza comes across as arrogant and super confident deep down he is really quite shy and reserved. His boorish nature is a camouflage for what is inherently a desire to impress. In truth he wants to be liked, to fit in. He really didn’t mean to punch Piers Morgan in the face, take a swipe at those paparazzi or deck that producer. But, our guides, say he wears the mask well and the only one who really knows is the man looking back from the rear-view mirror in the driving seat of the Lamborghini Gallardo.