There seems to be nothing that comedian, actor, author and presenter David Walliams cannot do. His shelves are groaning under the weight of TV awards, while his book sales have run into the millions. On its release his latest children’s work, The Midnight Gang, went straight to the top of the UK Best Sellers list.
Next week (December 1), sees the 6ft 2in national treasure-in-the-making coming to Indigo at The O2 for a special live Christmas Spectacular where, alongside fellow children’s writer Jeff Kinney, he will entertain with the ubiquitous Walliams’ wit and wonderfulness. A long-time stargazer of the BGT judge, our Witch Twitch was only too happy to cast his runes.
In numerological terms, David’s destiny is driven by the number three, a highly-charged digit that points to the stars. He’s a natural-born showman – and salesman – with a highly-developed imagination able to pitch his self as all things to all men and women. This divine gift has helped him, with comedy partner Matt Lucas, to create some of TV’s most memorable characters.
But, the tarot shows, it’s not all work and no play. Oozing charm, fizzing with fun, Mr Walliams doesn’t just bring the party, he is it. He loves to be the centre of attention, to hold court. Put simply, he loves to be adored. Flattery is his nectar. Our Witch Twitch warns this, however, may also turn out to be his Achilles Heel.
He’s an elegant eagle ray when it comes to the great pool of love; uniquely moving his pectoral fins and abdomen to attract potential mates. Our guides say he falls hard and heavy, always believing he has found “The One”.
However, if the match doesn’t work out, when computer says “No", he may mourn the loss of the relationship for a while but, then dolphin-like, he’ll dive right back in and on to the next “The One”. The cards show he bears no ill-will to those he has loved and lost, including his ex-wife and mother to his son, Alfred, Danish model Laura Stone. One may even say he feels quite sorry for them. After all once you’ve experienced his magnificence everyone else pales into insignificance. However, our Witch Twitch warns there will only be so many The Ones before the ever-optimistic diver hits shallow waters.
Need To Succeed
The Tarot shows that whatever David turns his hand to will be a success. He has total faith in his own abilities so that no challenge or task is too great. Swim the Channel. “Yes, I can do that no problem, let’s throw in The Thames and the Gibralter Straits, too.” Write children’s books. “Why not? I’ll have a go at writing a screenplay for DreamWorks on the side.”
It’s not the new experiences that drive him per se, but the need to demonstrate that he can master them. The tarot shows he has a point to prove which makes our Witch Twitch wonder just whose voice he hears whenever he celebrates another achievement.
Our guides suggest David seeks a bigger stage than little Britain on which to showcase his genius. Hello, Hollywood! Anything Ricky, and Russell can do…
Our Witch Twitch suggests it’s out there for the taking but David will need to switch things up, assume a new role. Rein in the camp and cross-dressing Emily Howard and focus on the Terry Thomas debonair. He’s almost there which bodes well as the crystals show he has so much still left to do. But, Our Witch Twitch, warns at his back he always hears, Time’s winged chariot approaching fast!
An insightful media commentator or an overbearing bully whatever your thoughts are on Jeremy Clarkson there’s no escaping the fact he is indeed a Special One.
The former Top Gear frontman has not been seen on our screens since being axed by the BBC for punching a producer in a row over a cold buffet (yes, hot food is that important to him). But now he’s back with new show, The Grand Tour, which launches tomorrow (November 18) on Amazon Prime, with the biggest budget ever for a streaming internet TV series. It will also see the no-nonsense motor mouth become the highest paid TV star in Britain which, for obvious reasons, has sent our Witch Twitch into overdrive.
What’s In A Name
In Hebrew the name Jeremy means exalted of the Lord. Couple this with his initials being JC and it’s no coincidence that our Jezza is a man who at times can behave like someone with a God complex. The tarot cards suggest this media giant – he is a vertiginous 6ft 5 - has an un-moving mindset that he is infallible; never likes to admit he’s wrong; and would rather die before failing at any task no matter how difficult or daunting it may be. These traits have seen him outmanoeuvre his wingmen, Richard Hammond and James May, in numerous driving challenges; catapult him to the top of his profession; and become an icon to MAWM. Our Witch Twitch points out these same traits were also the driving force behind mass murderer Charles Manson, cult leader David Koresh, whistle-blowing M15 spy David ‘now call me Delores Kane’ Shayler and US President elect The Donald. The heavens say: World you have been warned.
It would appear the stars were perfectly aligned when little Jezza passed his driving test in his grandfather’s ‘R’ type Bentley thus setting in motion a string of events which has seen him glide effortlessly like a Rolls-Royce Ghost Series II from a local reporter to global star. But, our guides say, it’s not all down to luck. This talented individual is fiercely ambitious and a natural born leader. He’s driven by a need to succeed. The tarot shows there are times he fears that fame and fortune may all disappear which is why he sticks to the familiar. He got his lucky break back in the eighties when he had Genesis playing on his in-car cassette player and he strutted his stuff in a trusty pair of Levis. Our Witch Twitch says: If ain’t broke don’t fix it.
Friend Or Foe
Despite the negative impression of him in the media, Jeremy attracts friends easily. However, to be part of his gang, the tea leaves reveal, you need to have a spirit of adventure and be fiercely loyal. If you tick these boxes, you will be richly rewarded, as his co-presenters Hammond and May discovered when they quit Top Gear in protest at his sacking. Friend-to-the-end Jezza immediately got them signed to his new show where they will each earn a reported £7.2million a year – a distinct improvement on the £500,000 annual salary they were said to earn on Top Gear. Loyalty pays. And what’s become of Jezza’s treacherous pal, The Ginger One who was quick to step into his Top Gear size elevens. ‘Evans only knows. And our Witch Twitch says: Frankly, my dear Chris, Mr Clarkson doesn’t give a damn.
The tarot shows that although Jezza comes across as arrogant and super confident deep down he is really quite shy and reserved. His boorish nature is a camouflage for what is inherently a desire to impress. In truth he wants to be liked, to fit in. He really didn’t mean to punch Piers Morgan in the face, take a swipe at those paparazzi or deck that producer. But, our guides, say he wears the mask well and the only one who really knows is the man looking back from the rear-view mirror in the driving seat of the Lamborghini Gallardo.
Today (November 14) will witness a truly spectacular sight: A supermoon. Not just any full moon in the night sky but one that will shine brighter and appear larger than it has in the last 68 years.
This rare November supermoon is one for the record books, not since January 25, 1948, has a full moon come this close to Earth. And there won't be another one until 2034. So make sure you get out there and bask in all its lunar glory.
So what does the supermoon have in store for you...
Today's supermoon will occur when the sun is in Scorpio and the moon is in its opposite sign of Taurus. These two heavyweights find it difficult to get along, with the intense energy of Scorpio jostling for supremacy against stability-craving Taurus. This clash will produce a burst of energy that you can either embrace or oppose. We suggest you plump for the embrace option, otherwise there could be some serious struggle ahead.
All full moons tend to bring out the emotional side in us but the extreme closeness of this supermoon will end up supercharging our feelings. To be forewarned is to be forearmed - so if you suddenly feel like howling at the moon - or your partner - then we advise you go and take a long hot bath to calm those sudden urges.
With emotions running high this is the ideal time to heal any rifts with family and friends. You'll feel a lightness within yourself and will wonder why you ever fell out with that person in the first place. Make the most of this supermoon and bury the hatchet. Life is too short to bear grudges.
Re-evaluate your goals
This is an opportunity to take stock of where you are in your life and to work towards your goals. You may need to make some minor adjustments to plans, to keep them within grasp. But the practical side of Taurus will help you to make the right decisions.
Word of warning, this is not a time to get ahead of yourself, to let your ego overtake. Its important to stay grounded and to be conscious of how you are presenting yourself to others. Be confident without being arrogant.
Kick back and relax
Taurus is the sign of stability and security so with the moon in this sign it's the perfect opportunity to enjoy home comforts. You'll feel that you won't want to venture too far, preferring to hunker down, stay home and relax. This is the perfect excuse to catch up on that Suits Box Set, Sophie Kinsella novel or cuddle up with your nearest and dearest.
Ditch the bitch
The supermoon urges you to break free from toxic people in your life. The psychic vampires who drain you of energy, the frenemies who smile while stabbing you in the back. Any relationships that are damaging you or holding you back need to be fully re-assessed. Don't be afraid to cut all ties if you find that someone is not worth the time, effort, or stress they cause you.
So by understanding and working with the shift in energy this supermoon brings you should find that life runs that little bit more smoother. Sometimes, it takes something heavenly to make sense of things, to remember that we are all simply passing through.
Picture by Neven Krcmarek c/o StockSnap
Idris Elba is the boy-done-good from Hackney. So stratospherically good, in fact, that he’s part of the Hollywood A-list, with the likes of Beyoncé, Jay-Z, Russell Crowe, Madonna (more about her later) and Sean Penn on his speed dial.
We don’t need an excuse to dowse his dark depths but, as this week sees the release of his latest London-set movie, 100 Streets , it would seem rude not to engage our Witch Twitch.
Despite making a healthy crust from what is essentially pretending to be someone else, the rune stones show Idris has his feet firmly planted in reality. His East End roots run deep and as such provide him with the swagger, style, gritty glamour, and, of course, that distinct vernacular that has helped turn this Newham-born geezer into an international player.
However, our Witch Twitch warns that Idris needs to beware casting directors trying to turn him into a parody – he’s too good an actor for that.
Fortune Favours The Brave
With a name that means Fiery Lord and a numerical birth number that stands for bravery Idris’ star alignment shows there is nothing he cannot master.
It is the drive that has seen him take part in – and win - his first professional kick-boxing bout at the age of 43 at York Hall (cheered on by a ringside Madonna); break the land speed record; pilot an acrobatic plane; design and model his very own men’s clothing collection for Superdry , while dropping the beats as DJ Big Driis, oh, and receiving an OBE for services to drama. But for all his dare-devilry, diversity and dynamism will he ever play Bond? We’ve cast the runes and they say it will come down to The Wire.
Love and Romance
With a couple of failed marriages behind him and his relationship with baby mama Naiyana Garth hitting the rocks earlier this year our guides suggest that long-term romantic unions aren’t necessarily Idris’s strong point. The Tarot shows that when it comes to relationships Idris may be too emotionally detached at times. But that doesn’t stop him from being a consummate flirt. Put a pretty lady under his nose and his charm goes into overdrive. Word of advice though when we say “Lady” we’re referring to someone with grace and elegance.
The way to this man’s heart is to keep it smart, discreet and under wraps. Madonna, are you listening! It’s in the stars that a flirty friendship will blossom into something more meaningful. Be warned though this one will pack a punch and provide our Idris with more thrills than any drag car racing event ever could.
He may be as sharp as his tailoring but underneath it all lays a soul that is in a bit of a two-and-eight. He seeks peace and happiness which will only come when this loner-by-nature allows himself to trust and be open to love.
If he can embrace that side of his character, play that particular role, then he really can have it all.
She was supposed to be performing at The O2 on Friday (November 4) as part of her world Revival Tour but instead the perfectly formed Kill Em With Kindness singer Selena Gomez is back in the US battling her demons after cancelling with “anxiety and depression”.
And where those dark tormentors lurk our Witch Twitch isn’t scared to follow, with a giant spotlight thrown on a few home truths.
The Tarot reveals that living in the public eye is beginning to take its toll on the former Disney Channel starlet. And, although they don’t predict another Disney Princess, a la Britney, Demi, Miley, and Lyndsay getting creative with the scissors or taking on the role of crash test dummy in a pumpkin coach, they do show that Gomez needs to regroup and take some time out to enjoy her life.
What’s In A Name
Selena takes her name from the Greek Moon Goddess, a bewitching creature that rules the night, whose gravity regulates the Earth’s tides worldwide, triggering seed swelling, seed bursting and seed germination.
To be less cryptic, anyone – especially members of the opposite sex – who enter her orbit are captivated by her and never stand a chance against her magnetic pull.
On this subject, we’ve cast the runes and The Heart Wants What It Wants. Bieber Boy. In truth our little Cancerian fell deeply for the boy wonder and wanted the happy-ever-after ending. She is a Disney Princess after all.
She’s still struggling to come to terms with the break-up. Despite the swirling rumours that she is to be named in the Brangelina break-up, and Biebs putting on a peacock display with model Sofia Richie, our Twitch is not buying it.
Jelena have a “ting” and there’s a giant heavenly chess game being played to get them back together. Everyone else is simply a pawn in this chequered affair.
Behind The Mask
Our guides suggest that behind the cute persona lays a highly ambitious and tack-sharp businesswoman who in her quest for security will do what is needed to get the job done. She’s not going back to her childhood roots that saw her family struggling.
That’s even if that means firing those nearest and dearest to her – like momager Mandy Teefey, trading up boyfriends (it hasn’t done best pal Taylor Swift any harm) or taking off her kit to promote a new album.
A word of caution for our little Witch of Waverly Place though: Where Mammon rules, true love won't flourish.
The Tarot shows the Good For You Singer dreams of changing the world and wants to be known for her courage and original ideas.
Despite already being a global superstar with millions in the bank from box office and album sales, it’s still very early days for this 24-year-old. She has a long journey in front of her with some surprising career moves along the way.
The stars see her Mexican heritage informing this – and when it finally comes it won’t be a wave but a Tsunami.
The Witch of the Wharf is a published writer, regular columnist for The Wharf newspaper and blogger