There's nothing normal about Norm

Norman Cook, aka DJ Fatboy Slim, has been at the forefront of the UK club scene for several decades, earning him legions of loyal fans plus millions in the bank from gigs and album sales. The You’ve Come A Long Way Baby artist is performing for the first time at The O2 on Saturday (December 17), with special guests DJ Club Collective Horse Meat Disco in the much-anticipated The Night Rave Before Christmas.

Our Witch Twitch in a spin and eager to bounce to the beats here’s what the Tarot has to say about the inimitable Mr Cook…

Destiny
When he changed his name from Quentin to Norman and stepped in to replace the bassist for the Housemartins on the eve of the band’s first national tour the musician that would later become Fatboy Slim altered the course of his destiny. The cards show not for him the role of a jobbing musician simply earning a crust – our Norm through numerous incarnations (he’s had more aka’s than P-Diddy) stormed into the upper echelons to become one of the world’s most successful record producers and artists, with edge-to-edge awards lining the mantles of his stunning Brighton beachfront front abode.

It’s all about the music for this multi-talented musician. Our guides say it’s written into his DNA and he’ll be making sweet sounds, pushing the envelope, long into the future. Our Witch Twitch predicts he’ll collaborate with a legendary artist and what they produce will be utterly spellbinding.

Romance
In the glitzy and heady world in which he inhabits our Norm is never short of female attention but, the Tarot shows, the Praise You artist is strictly a one-woman man, loyal to the core. Our guide says it’s just a pity that his estranged wife, TV presenter Zoe Ball, doesn’t appear to share his sentiments. This guy’s a keeper but right now he’s licking his wounds, wondering where he went wrong with the ying to his yang, the mother of his children. It really is a case of “it’s not you, Norm, it’s me”.

The tarot shows he’ll take Zoe back in an instance and will try to woo her, even bribe her to come home. But our guides suggest it really is time to move on from this spinach quiche relationship, especially as they see a captivating brunette, we suspect with an accent, waiting to emerge from the shadows.

Animal Instinct
Our guides say the Brit-hop producer is like a salmon riding a bicycle. Although unlike the anadromous fish he always manages to ride the tides, not swim against them. He has fantastic instincts and understands the zeitgeist beautifully – he was a major player in Cool Britannia, the smiley-faced tchotchkes his badge of honour. However, the tarot warns he needs to trust his gut feeling and should avoid the influence of those who may have hidden agendas or who manipulate events for their own gains.

The tea leaves show there is someone currently in the 53-year-old’s sphere who is up to no good. Our Witch Twitch suggests Norm needs to drown out other voices, reflect on personal experiences to decide whether the tide is ebbing or flowing in the direction that benefits forward movement and growth.

Inner Secret
Despite living the dream on Millionaire’s Row our guides say fame and fortune do not drive this luxuriant. His motivation relates to the abstract and utopian dreams. He’s an idealistic reformer, seeking to create a perfect world, one in which everyone has a slice of the gourmet apple and frangipani pie which, our guides say, is why this epicurean is investing in chic eateries around the world. He wants to share the passion and the love.

Our Witch Twitch suggests though the Dub Be Good To Me artist needs to beware of people who want to have their cake and to eat it. They’ll add sour to what is a seriously sweet life. You have been warned, Mr Cook.