Listed by Forbes as one of the most influential male recording artists in the world, with more than 100million in sales worldwide and four Grammys, Bruno Mars is a global superstar.
So it’s hardly surprising the Locked Out Of Heaven singer’s 24K Magic World Tour, currently rocking out at The O2 , is sold out. We’re huge fans of the talented Hawaiian-born performer and songwriter, having watched him dance to his own beat over the years.
So it was with a funky side step that we cast his runes and looked into the crystal ball to see what’s behind the megawatt smile, uber-cool style (there are not many who can rock a pink suit) and consummate showmanship.…
Rock and roll singer Elvis Presley performs on stage in 1955 (Photo: Getty)
Peter Gene Hernandez aka Bruno Mars was always destined to perform. Having a professional musician as a father and a mother who could both sing and dance, it was in his genes to entertain. At four he took to the stage, performing as his idol Elvis, and basked in the attention and applause.
Our guides say from that point on there was only one career for Bruno. It’s no coincidence that the Uptown Funk star is one of the best-selling artists of all time, attaining his first five Billboard No.1s faster than any male artist since, yes, you’ve guessed The King himself, Mr Presley.
The cards reveal the spotlight is his comfort zone, it’s where he’s happiest and feels most alive. Our Witch Twitch says a perfectionist and workaholic by nature, Bruno needs to cut himself a little slack now and then otherwise he is in danger of burning out.
Beyonce, Chris Martin of Coldplay and Bruno Mars perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl 50 Halftime Show at Levi's Stadium in 2016 (Photo: Getty)
Friends & Relationships
A rarity in the entertainment world Bruno is both a considerate and compassionate person who, the crystals show, always finds the time to help people who frequently come to him for comfort and support.
The cards suggest Bruno enjoys being in the hustle and bustle of a crowd but equally likes to spend time alone with his nearest and dearest. Despite the trappings of superstardom, Bruno is down-to-earth and knows what truly matters in life: Friends and Family.
Our guides say Bruno is serious when it comes to love and romance which is highlighted by his relationship with model and swimwear designer Jessica Caban, with whom he has been dating for six years. When this guy loves, he does it big, bold and long-lasting.
The tarot shows that unlike many of his contemporaries this boy doesn’t feel the need to chase skirts, confident both in his self and appeal, knowing that if he wanted to, he could. Our Witch Twitch says Bruno needs to tap into his intuition more and go with his gut feeling when it comes to opening up to new people. There’s likely to be some big news later on in the year connected to his relationship, too!
Hawksbill turtle (Eretmochelys imbricata) (Photo: Nils Aukan)
Thirty-one-year-old Bruno is under the guidance of Native American Totem Turtle. This magical totem teaches those it mentors about walking one’s own path in peace and sticking to it with determination and sincerity. Turtle carries his home on his back which helps Bruno to feel at ease wherever he is and in whichever company he keeps. The ancient animal spirit travels at its own pace, on land slowly, in water fast and agile. Turtle reminds Bruno that regular breaks from his busy life need to be scheduled to ensure long-lasting health and vitality. Our Witch Twitch says cutting out the cigarettes and cigars would also help!
The tarot shows the award-winning artist needs to find some mechanism to cope with stress. It is his Achilles heel and, if not managed correctly, will lead to long-term problems. Our guides say over-eating and indulging in the wrong things is not the answer as this will see the performer struggling with digestive problems as well as sleep issues. The crystals show the performer needs to look into meditation and natural remedies as a way to combat stress and to achieve the balance that so often is out of kilter.
It’s in the stars that Bruno is to be dad – and that could come quicker than he plans. Despite coming as a surprise, he’ll take to the role with aplomb and will be happy to add a couple more to the Mars orbit in quick succession. The cards show the new responsibility will add another dimension to the star and will see him increasingly adopting a more relaxed approach to life. Our Witch Twitch says it will be a gift from the heavens to go some way to replacing a missing piece in his heart.
Think movie big hitters and Scarlett Johansson probably wouldn’t feature in most people’s Top 10. But the Avengers Assembly actress is one of the highest paid stars in Hollywood, thanks in part to her role as Black Widow in the Marvel Cinematic Universe series and her brand ambassador deals with Dolce and Gabbana and SodaStream, with a reported £64.4million already tucked away in the bank.
With her new film Ghost In the Shell , in which she plays a cyborg policewoman, hitting the big screens on March 31 and her relationship status making recent headlines, our Witch Twitch was intrigued enough to ask the oracles more about the mysterious Manhattanite.
Scratch The Surface
This is one deep individual who the cards reveal has multiple layers, each masking a different characteristic and personality type. She is all things to all people; a chameleon, a shapeshifter, a muse. It’s what makes her so magnetic and why so many directors from auteurs like Woody Allen, Robert Redford and Sophia Coppola to blockbuster heavyweights like Jon Favreau and Joss Whedon choose to work with her.
Alfred Hitchcock's favourite ice cool blonde Tippi Hedren
Don’t be seduced by her ethereal beauty, though. Our guides say the 32-year-old is no push over. She likes to make her own rules. If you play your part as directed by her then all is well but if you start to go off script, the cracks will begin to show. That carefully crafted cool veneer, the cards suggest modelled so artfully on Hitchcock’s famous “blondes”, will start to turn a little ugly and may reveal a more demanding, overbearing and egotistical side. But, our guides say, she will be quick to check herself. Her distinct husky voice will drop to a breathy whisper forcing those around to lock their eyes back on that sensual pout – and, like a Jedi mind trick, all will be instantly forgotten. Our Witch Twitch says the little Horse Whisperer is well aware she has the face of an angel and a body made for sin and is not afraid to use it.
The cards suggest that ScarJo loves the idea of being in love. She falls fast and heavy always believing that the partner du jour is “The One”. She conjures up an image of the perfect love affair and casts herself as the fluttering-heart romantic. Our guides say what she seeks, she always finds – but it won’t be long until her boredom threshold is tipped. Her relationship history suggests a couple of years max. As soon as life becomes a little too conventional, a little to rote, the Lost In Translation star will simply call it quits and move on to the next Barbara Cartland tableau.
Watch out Miss Head. Billionaire Tesla founder Elon Musk may be just the right guy for Scarlett
Like a moth to a flame there are no shortages of admirers. Her childlike enthusiasm for life coupled with a wild nature prove irresistible to most but, our guides say, it will take a highly evolved and unconventional type to survive the star’s Two-Year Itch. Husband Number One Deadpool actor Ryan Reynolds couldn’t cut it. Hubbie number two journalist Roman Dauriac, with whom the actress shares a two-year-old daughter, Rose, has been served divorce papers. This is not what happens in fairytales. Our Witch Twitch says Scarlett needs a sexy and adventurous entrepreneur or mad scientist type in her life – we’re scrying recently divorced Tesla founder Elon Musk - who can keep her on her toes, stretch her mind and, quite literally, take her to the moon and back. Millionaire Matchmaker get cracking.
Scarlett is under the guidance of The Fool. Unorthodox, experimental, eccentric just some of the traits that those who walk with this Tarot master share. A free-spirit who seeks and needs adventure, The Fool will act without thinking, is unafraid of the unknown and is ready to leap into the deep end. The Fool suggests that Scarlett can be prone to infatuation (her short-lived relationship with Sean Penn back in 2011 a classic example) and often blind to the truth, preferring her own version of a situation, her own alternative facts. The Fool drives Scarlett to be spontaneous and carefree, which does not always make for a positive end result. However, the Tony Award winner will always dust herself off, bounce back and impulsively set off on the next quest. Our Witch Twitch says that Scarlett needs to be a little mindful at times and remember that only Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
Our guides say the Hollywood star is going to have some tough times ahead of her, especially with the looming custody battle with her French ex over daughter Rose. The cards suggest it’s going to be challenging, with back and forth trips across the Atlantic, which may have an impact on her physical and mental wellbeing. She is being urged to watch her diet and look into taking Mulungu Bark in a warm brew daily. Further into the future, the cards suggest the actress will step behind the camera and direct a small independent movie, maybe with a black comedy edge, penned by a friend. Our Witch Twitch says whatever ScarJo chooses to take on in her life will always be a success – even if to the outside world it appears to be a failure.
Abel Tesfaye better known as The Weeknd, is one of the hottest R&B artists on the planet, with A-listers like Beyoncé and Bono queuing up to collaborate with him. Notoriously shy, he’s only recently stepped into the limelight as a result of his high-profile girlfriends (more about those later). The award-winning Canadian singer-songwriter brings his Starboy: Legend of the Fall World Tour to The O2 this week (March 7 and 8). Intrigued by the man of mystery, we happily cast his runes to find out what’s behind the façade.
Despite giving the impression he is shy, the Starboy hitmaker can be a real charmer using both words (you’ve heard his songs) and gestures (he likes to give gifts of dogs) to win over the ladies. The cards show the bedroom is an extension of his personality, where he enjoys the pursuit of excellence and can be surprisingly versatile and creative. Our guides say it’s no coincidence one of his tracks features on Fifty Shades of Grey!
The cards indicate that love comes fast but can leave even faster – just ask the beautiful Bella Hadid. Within weeks of breaking up with the teen supermodel whom he’d been dating for almost two years, the Grammy Award-winning artist was smooching with new squeeze Kill Em With Kindness songstress Selena Gomez.
To win Abel’s heart the cards show one needs to be more than just a pretty face. Our Abel likes his women to be interesting, with something to say, and often something to hide. Being able to deal with this chap’s foibles and eccentricities is also very much required if any relationship is to go the distance. Is SelAbel in for the long haul? Our Witch Twitch isn’t convinced, with the runes indicating in the long term Miss Gomez may be a little too clingy for the free-spirited Mr Tesfaye.
Scratch The Surface
Rarely giving interviews, preferring to let his music do the talking, there’s an air of mystery about The Weeknd. But, the cards suggest that’s exactly how he’s cultivated it. Our guides say he’s of the opinion less is more until the right time to reveal all. Abel is a true visionary who has the ability to grasp and action far-reaching concepts. A creative free thinker, the 27-year-old doesn’t allow others to manipulate or guide him. This boy has known where he was going – and how he was going to get there – from the moment he heard Michael Jackson’s Dirty Diana. Our Witch Twitch says there’s no more hiding now, though; the myth is about to become a legend - which is exactly in the Toronto Grand Master’s plan. Drake who?
The dizzying alternative R&B talent is under the influence of The Magician who as a guide creates the power to manifest dreams. Under this influence, the Ethiopian born has been transformed from a high school drop-out into a global star. The Magician helps those he mentors to enjoy all of the abundance life has to offer by empowering them with the ability to focus on their goals. He bestows them with charm, too, lots of it so that Abel will always get what he wants without it being too much of a challenge. However, our Witch Twitch warns the artist to not abuse these gifts as the shadow side of the Magician can lead to the misuse of power and the manipulation of those closest. Use your power wisely, young Padawan.
The Future Looks Bright
Already being compared to his inspirations Michael Jackson and Prince the high flying vocalist is in the ascendant. His music is no longer on the sidelines, crossing smoothly into the mainstream. The cards show he’s very much a brand now, with his own label, pop hits and even a designer clothing line for H&M (pictured above). It’s only the beginning. There’s a lot more to come, with collaborations across a number of eclectic platforms, with a diverse range of artists and performers.
However, there’s another much deeper layer to The Hills singer. Our guides say Abel has a social conscience, too. He’s a humanitarian, philanthropic and interested in making a difference. The cards suggest he knows he has a life purpose and it’s all part of the “deal”. The future shows him championing many causes and using his celebrity status to make a real impact. Our Witch Twitch says continue to believe, and the world will be a better place. The Weeknd starts here!
Widely considered to be one of the greatest boxers of all time, undefeated as a professional and a champion in five different weight classes, Floyd Mayweather Jr is a sporting legend. Now retired and heading the lucrative Mayweather Promotions, the 40-year-old lives the life of a playboy, with $695million in the bank, a fleet of fast cars, a private jet to fly him to exotic locales and the ubiquitous string of model girlfriends to keep him warm at night.
The superstar rolls into indigo at The O2 on Monday (March 6) with his Floyd Mayweather Undefeated Tour, an evening spent sharing insight into the boxer’s career. We thought we’d take our own unique look by casting the ringmeister’s runes…
Pretty Boy was always destined to fight. Dealt a tough hand of cards as a little one – his mother was a heroin addict, his father a drug dealer - our guides say Floyd understood very early on that he would have to literally fight his way out of his circumstances. Growing up, he could have chosen to walk the same path as many of those around him but once those gloves were on as a seven-year-old kid, there was no stopping him. Arguably the best defensive boxer the sport has ever known and the most accurate puncher, Floyd discovered his calling.
The cards reveal there’s a lot more to come from the champ but there are no more seconds out. Our Witch Twitch says the father-of-four deserves his rewards but needs to remember he is a role model and should use his celebrity platform wisely.
Scratch The Surface
Under the tough exterior, the pugilist prodigy has a heart of gold and will do anything to help those in need. The cards show he loves nothing better than to lavish gifts on those around him. He’s fuelled by his past. Life hasn’t always been easy for this kid so our guides say he’s going to make sure that those he loves will never endure such hardship.
Despite the hype and swagger, the tarot reveals Floyd often puts others first, neglecting his own needs and wellbeing. This can cause him to become mentally fatigued which very often results in poor decision making. Our Witch Twitch says the showman doesn’t always need to play the Big I Am and should look more closely at those who are givers, not takers.
Friends and Relationships
The outspoken superstar makes friends easily, from all backgrounds, including the likes of A-listers Justin Bieber, Mariah Carey, Beyoncé and Jay Z. The Tarot shows that people gravitate to his orbit, drawn to it because of his warmth, infectious enthusiasm and lust for life – plus, of course, the trappings that come with hanging out with one of the world’s highest paid sportsman. “Money” as he’s known to his crew picks up the cheques, thinks nothing of jetting his pals around the world and likes to gift a few presents like, say, a $350,000 Hublot Laferrari.
There’s plenty of women, too. But, our guides say, this is where things for the five-weight world champion go a little awry. It’s all a bit hit and miss. He tends to express his emotions strongly at times resulting in a rather troubling history of domestic violence. The cards show this is a man who falls in love easily but its passions burn out quickly. Our Witch Twitch says Floyd needs to eschew surface types and seek what lies within. A relationship with a more mature, career woman is how and when Floyd will find the peace and true happiness he seeks.
The tarot shows the Las Vegas super fly guy fears being in a rut which may lead to him making rash decisions. He’s worked hard to be the best and doesn’t want to be forgotten or left behind. The runes show he would be well advised to channel his talents into a different arena, a career in politics or publishing is well starred.
Our Witch Twitch forsees a need to watch those around him because not all of them are the real deal or want what’s best for the undefeated champion. Floyd needs to safeguard his legacy, remember who he is and what he’s achieved. He's destined to come out of retirement. Could it be against Conor McGregor (pictured above)? It is in the glove-covered hands of the boxing god.
This article appears in The Wharf newspaper and Wharf.co.uk
Honey G is one of the most controversial contestants that has appeared on ITV’s X Factor. Her rapping skills and “ghetto” persona divided a nation, with some labelling her fake, others, including Snoop Dogg and 50 Cents, calling her genius.
If you thought – or hoped - you’d seen the last of her you’d be wrong as the rapmeister is back bringing it large to the X Factor Live tour at The O2 on Saturday (February 25). Our Witch Twitch loves a conundrum so we were happy to cast the runes, to find out what’s really going on behind Honey G’s shades.
There must be something in the water at Dr Challoner’s High School in Little Chaffont, Buckinghamshire, for not only did it produce the supreme ambitionist Amal Clooney nee Alamuddin but also Anna Gilford aka Honey G. Anything you can do… Surprisingly, despite one being married to an Hollywood A-lister and the other, well, not, these middle-class ladies share more in common than one would think. The cards suggest a sense of destiny and an innate ability to put themselves in the right place at the right time. However, our guides say that regardless what the media would infer Honey G is the more genuine of the two. You make your own luck in this world and this is where the The Honey G Show singer has excelled. She wasn’t born to greatness, hasn’t married into it but is desperately trying to carve a way to it. Our Witch Twitch simply says go girl.
Scratch The Surface
Okay, so it’s pretty obvious that what you see is not what you get with the North Weezy resident who in a former incarnation was the boss of recruitment firm ARG Search Ltd and listed achievements as tennis champion, avid netball player and a flag bearer at the North American Maccabi Games in 1996. Far from the flamboyant, extrovert “gangsta” rapper that she portrays on stage, our guides say Honey G is one rather insecure individual, trying to prove to everyone that she is “flex”. The tarot shows she is living in the shadow of somebody and feels the only way she can break out is by going to extreme lengths. Hence the birth of Honey G. Our Witch Twitch says it’s all very good creating a persona a la Lady Gaga but to be convincing one needs to truly feel it from the heart and asks: Honey, is you really the realist chick in the game?
Native American Totem
Despite being likened to a bee our Honey G is being guided by the Native American totem Hawk. Who would have thought it? Flying with hawk means that you are only as powerful as your capacity in rap stylee to perceive and receive. Nothing escapes the attention of Honey G, she doesn’t miss a trick – or an opportunity. Hawk, though, is saying that the wannabe hip hop star needs to circle over her life, examine it from a higher perspective and ask herself whether this is the path she wishes to truly follow. Our Witch Twitch says fame does not always lead to fortune.
The tarot shows that Honey G dreams of artistic expression through music. Note, the cards say dream! It also reveals that the recruitment management-turned-rebel-rapper hankers after a conventional family life, with 2.2 children and a goldfish. Although she has a real likeability factor, ahem, not necessarily the X factor, the cards show Honey G dreams of being more popular and appreciated. Our Witch Twitch says Honey, you’re wonderful as you are. Stop hiding behind the shades, and the Smiffy shellsuit, and be true. You’ll find a lot more doors now opening for you but focus on behind the scenes not centre stage.
This Tarotscope also appears in The Wharf and on www.wharf.co.uk
The Universe is always finding ways to communicate with us but we very often don’t recognise or understand what is being said. It is constantly sending us messages through signs, warnings, our own intuition in order to help us navigate smoothly through life. To tap into this energy, we need to be open to receiving it and willing to hear it. We need to take note of recurring patterns and accept there is no such thing as coincidence. The more we tune into our intuition and inner world, the more clearly our dialogue with the universe becomes. Our Witch Twitch has worked with our guides to help get you started.
Take 30 to 60 seconds to look over the six images (above). Then close your eyes and relax. One image will stand out for you, emerge in your mind’s eye. This is the one that has a special meaning for you, a message from your guides. Read and take note of what they have to say. Seek and ye shall find...
Boots (top row left)
Now is not the time to bow to pressure. You are being urged to stick to your guns, to fight for what is right, even if it means upsetting your partner, boss, or work colleague. There will be times when you feel beleaguered, that you are climbing a mountain that has no summit. Don’t worry this will eventually pass and those very people who have been non-supportive will come around and listen to your reasoning.
Your integrity will be handsomely rewarded. However, be warned about getting all smug and I-told-you-so as this will backfire and send you back to square one. There’s only so many mountains that someone can climb.
Bottles (top row middle)
You may be feeling that you need to escape from it all. Questioning your very existence and life purpose. You are being urged to open yourself up to new possibilities and experiences, especially any that involve travel.
This is a good time to consider what it is you truly want in your world. Anything is possible right now and your guides will be working with you show the way. Look out for signs from them maybe a popped champagne cork, a forgotten old photo falling from a book, a feather in a strange place, a chance meeting. These will have meaning when they appear so take note of the time, the day, the location. A new path is calling.
Technology (top row right)
You may be feeling you are living a lie or that someone close to you is not revealing their true self. Maybe a relationship is suffering through a lack of trust and truth. It’s time to face up to what is really happening around you, to stop ignoring the niggling feelings that are signalling things are not all they appear.
The universe is giving you permission to snoop. If you think someone is hiding something from you get to work on finding out what it is. Hack their emails, their phone messages, hire a PI to follow them. You’ll either be proved right or wrong. Either way you’ll feel a whole lot better knowing that you know.
Paints (bottom row left)
You are being urged to bring new creativity into your life. This may be through taking up a new pursuit like drawing or painting, joining a writers’ group or signing up for a dance class. Rumba, anyone? Let your imagination be your guide and allow your creative juices to flow. By unlocking that secret space within you will find that your life runs more smoothly. You will feel more alive, more enriched and less bothered by the trivial things that so often nag you.
A sexy, more confident you will emerge, attracting a host of new opportunities, both in business and in love. Who knows you’ll feel that good about yourself you may even decide to become a life model. Nothing venture, nothing gained.
Forest (bottom row middle)
Hanging on to the past is severely damaging the gift that is the present. You are being asked to get out into nature to let these anchoring feelings go. Take a walk in the park, run along a beach, cycle through a woodland - anything to free yourself from urban constraints. The natural elements are waiting to cleanse your thoughts, enabling you to dream a brighter future into being.
Shake off old habits, ditch negative patterns of behaviour and, if needs be, kick to the curb anyone now surplus to your new requirements. There’s a fresh start to be explored. Do not let your own fear or that of others prevent you from moving on.
Theatre (bottom row right)
You may be experiencing plenty of drama in your world to which you may or may not have contributed. The problem is your energy is taking a bashing as a result of it and it could all end in tears, yours. You are being advised to step away from the situation, to release yourself from the conflict. An argument needs at least two players. Take your bow and exit stage left. You’ll feel a whole lot better once you’re in the wings, observing like a pro rather than performing as a diva.
You have a new role to play, one which may not be as dramatic but will certainly win you plaudits. Rise above the rabble and become the true star of the show.
Emma Willis has crafted a career from fronting shows that feature wannabes like the hopeful on The Voice UK and the fame hungry on Big Brother. Her natural and relaxed presenting style has seen her being likened to the female equivalent of the uber slick X Factor host Dermot O’Leary.
On Wednesday (February 22), Emma will join her “twin” Dermot to co-host the Brit Awards at The O2 after Michael Bublé was forced to pull out. It’s a huge gig for the mum-of-three, one, if all goes well, will give her profile a stellar boost. Our Witch Twitch cast the runes to see how she will fare…
Scratch The Surface
The cards present an image of a hugely ambitious and goal-oriented individual kind of like a mini-me Davina but infinitely less irritating. She has the energy and self-belief to break down walls which has seen her metamorphose from an undistinguished teen model to the golden go-to-choice for TV presenting gigs. Don’t be fooled by her down-to-earth and relaxed persona. Our guides say the 40-year-old is fiercely competitive with a love of cash that could rival that of Kris Jenner’s. Couple this with her desire for status and power and you can see La Willis is no ordinary broad. But let’s not judge. The cards show this drive and ambition is in part fueled by a real desire to provide for her loved ones, to be able to give them the best of everything. However, our Witch Twitch warns the Gillette Venus razor ambassador (kerching!) needs to relax more where money is concerned and to enjoy what she has achieved in the here and now. Business should never get in the way of pleasure.
Love and Romance
The cards suggest the angelic faced Emma may come across as a lady in the street but she’s a freak in the… well, we’ll leave you to fill in the blank. She’s both cute and sexy – and she knows it. Our guides say this is one lady who likes to get physical. Hey, it helps keep that killer bod in shape. When this chick loves, she does it for life. Our guides say as Tammy put it: Stand By Your Man, And that’s exactly what she’s done with husband Busted band member Matt Willis (pictured below) and his well-documented battles with addiction. They share three beautiful children together and are celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary shortly so the Celebrity Big Brother host can rightly stand back and say to all those doubters: “I told you so”. However, our Witch Twitch says it’s not all a bed of roses. There may be some more trouble ahead, with an individual coming into Emma’s sphere, making it perfectly known that she is what he desires.
Native American Totem
The cards show that Emma is under the influence of the Native American Totem Wolf. She is a pathfinder who returns to the clan to share her knowledge and experiences. As someone who runs with wolves this little braveheart is fiercely loyal and protective to those she loves. The cards suggest she is happy to play her role within the clan, however, she does believe in extended family values when it comes to childcare. She loves her bambinos but she’s no stay-at-home mum. It takes a village to raise a child. Our Witch Twitch says the presenter would be advised to take herself off to an “alone” place from time to time. It’s where she will always find the answers to that which she seeks.
There is nothing the TV presenter cannot achieve especially as her tarot guide is the King of Pentacles. His presence in her orbit means she has “the Midas touch”. Like a magnet, she can attract anything to her, however, this can be both good and bad so, our guides say, she needs to be super careful for what she wishes. The King of Pentacles represents an enterprising and reliable personality. He shows the lucky few he chooses how to play the game of life and then reap its rewards. In the earthly realm he would be played by either Simon Cowell or Simon Fuller both of whom, the tarot shows, could work magic on Emma’s career. Our Witch Twitch says Emma needs to make the most of the King of Pentacles patronage for with it she can go for gold – and get it!
This tarotscope features in The Wharf, Canary Wharf's exclusive weekly newspaper & website.
He’s a man dressed as a bat who strikes terror into the heart of criminals in Gotham City. Concealing his true identity, he masquerades as Bruce Wayne, a mega wealthy industrialist, with a taste for fine wine and even finer women. He is Batman – and he’s back on the big screen with his new film The Lego Batman Movie. Our Witch Twitch didn’t need to be asked twice to dowse his well-documented dark depths…
What’s In A Name
With a name like Bruce, Gotham’s self-appointed protector was always starred for greatness. The name dates from medieval times and means deep-rooted strength. It is shared by the 14th century Robert the Bruce, King of Scotland. Legend has it that the Scottish laird learned the value of perseverance from watching a spider spin a web. However, the tarot shows Brucie Baby hasn’t much time for arachnids, especially the Peter Parker type. Our Witch Twitch says our man Bats doesn’t care to Marvel at web-slinging heroes, it’s DC all the way.
Scratch The Surface
He has the looks, the brains, the physical prowess, with a list of accomplishments that would make Leonardo Da Vinci look ordinary so Batman can be forgiven for coming across as a bit of a pompous jerk at times. Although he has no superhuman powers, he is one of the world’s smartest and greatest fighters. He’s an expert in chemistry, criminology, forensics, martial arts, gymnastics, disguise, escape artistry, ventriloquism … we told you he’s no dummy.
The cards suggest that his knowledge of so many disciplines has made him an unconventional and, somewhat, unpredictable individual. They also show that although he is often perceived to be a loner at his very core friendship, affection and love are extremely important to him. Our Witch Twitch says he needs to open himself up to the possibility of team work. There is no “I” in team.
Tall, dark and handsome our boy Bruce has no trouble when it comes to attracting the ladies. However, keeping them is another matter. The billionaire industrialist has been linked with some real beauties including ex fiancée Julie Madison, socialite-turned-nurse Linda Page, Gotham Gazette reporter Vicki Vale, Gotham City Assistant District Attorney Rachel Dawes, and, arguably his one true love Selina ‘Catwoman’ Kyle. They have each wanted to unmask him, to get to his very Bat being but, no matter how close they have come, the playboy has always managed to exit the relationship before getting in too deep.
Our guides suggest the cool businessman has trust and commitment issues which are likely to stem back to when at an early age he witnessed the murder of his mother and father, Martha and Dr Thomas Wayne. The heart is willing but, sadly, unable. However, the cards show there is hope for Gotham’s finest. To have any longtime luck in love he is advised to lighten up his mood a tad, turn that frown upside down and adopt a more flamboyant, metrosexual aesthetic. Our Witch Twitch says it’s worked wonders for The Joker.
Native American Totem
It comes as no surprise to learn that Batman is under the influence of the Native American totem Bat which is just as well as Porcupine or Moose Man doesn’t quite have the same ring. Bat is the symbol of rebirth and embraces the idea of shamanistic death. To earn the right to fly with bat the individual needs to release any former notions of self, often enduring brutal tests of physical strength and psychic ability and having all their emotional buttons punched hard.
The tarot suggests that at times Batman finds the constant demands on him to grow and become his future, to constantly be reborn a little wearying – and confusing. “Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be… Cybernetic Batman, er, no, Man of Bats, erm, let’s switch that to Earth-Two Batman…” Our Witch Twitch says he would be advised to go and sit in a dark room from time to time or else he may find himself going slightly batty.
The Dark Knight carries a heavy burden of responsibility but he secretly desires to follow a life of freedom, excitement and adventure. The cards show he’s a free spirit at heart who dreams of ditching the cape and cowl in favour of a pair of Billabong boardshorts and thongs, jumping in a Campervan, heading down to Huntington Beach on the Californian coast to catch some rideable waves. This is the secret place he heads to in his mind when he dreams of escaping it all.
In reality, though, there will be no Turtle Rolls or cries of “cowabunga” for this dark hero. Our Witch Twitch says he has a much darker path to follow. He’s vengeance. He is the night. He is Batman! And, we can all sleep a lot better knowing that he’s out there guarding us with his batarangs and a can of Shark-Repellant Bat-Spray.
This Tarotscope appears in The Wharf newspaper.
Batman & Catwoman image courtesy of @awesomeanthd
Surf image courtesy of @frankiephoto
He’s a Grammy-Award-winning platinum selling recording artist who holds the record for the most No 1 hits on America's Billboard R&B/Hip Hop chart so it’s little wonder that Drake’s Boy Meets World tour, currently playing various dates at The O2, is a must-bag ticket. But just who is the Canadian rapper, singer, songwriter and record producer and what exactly makes him tick? Our Witch Twitch couldn’t wait to get to work dowsing his hidden depths.
Scratch The Surface
This is one complicated character. On the one hand, our guides say, the Take Care rapper can be loving, sympathetic, kind and generous to the extreme and yet there is another side, a much darker one, that is cold, jealous and egotistical. The cards suggest that like Harvey Dent, this trailblazer faces a constant battle with his demons, never fully knowing which face needs to be revealed to the world. Yet it is this strange and contrasting make-up that is the force behind the Young Money star’s multi-faceted talent. He’s loyal to his team, the OVOs, but unforgiving if crossed. His emotions rarely cloud his judgement. The cards show he’s driven by a need for power, success and status, with material desires high on his agenda – hence the fleet of fast cars and fancy cribs. Yet despite starting from the bottom and now riding high on the top, the Best I Ever Had singer continues to seek approval and acceptance. Our Witch Twitch warns that he needs to curb the fight within or else the mask will become him.
The 30-year-old has been linked with a string of beautiful women including Rihanna, Selena Williams, Zoe Kravitz,Tika Sumpter and even Madonna! He has a type. They need to be smart, strong and sassy - our guides say just like his mother, teacher Sandi Graham, who raised him single-handedly after his musician daddy Larry Graham left. But the romance on everyone’s lips is the one that he’s recently started with the Love Don’t Cost A Thing singer Jennifer Lopez. Publicity stunt or the real deal? Our guides suggest it’s the latter – despite the 17-year age gap. However, the cards suggest Drizzy needs to be less secretive about his desires and to not act like a too cool for school fool or play too hard to get when it comes to romance. He’s a major league player now and can have it all. The cards suggest that Jenny is keen to hang around his block but she’s no Waity Katie. Our Witch Twitch says if DraLo is to flow then Drake needs to show he’s interested and not pretend he’d prefer to hang out with his porn star pals. In fact, that goes for all of Drake’s future romances, too. Yes, there’s a few more to come. And the cards don’t rule out another RiRi reunion.
Native American Totem
The tarot cards show that Drake is under the influence of the Native American totem Owl which may explain his penchant for night eagle-emblazoned designs and clothing – either that or the conspiracy theories that the singer is a member of the Illuminati are true. Flying with Owl makes this bird one smart cookie, one that no one can deceive no matter how hard they try to hide their deception. The totem suggests that the Toronto MC can be a little frightening to be around as he can see right through any ulterior motive. It’s like he has the gift of sight. Our Witch Twitch says the singer should always trust his instincts, listen to his dreams and pay attention to signals and omens as they will always bring him enlightenment. However, the dark side needs to be avoided because it will only end in tears.
This canny mogul has many paths to follow all of which will lead him to greater riches and recognition. But within October’s Very Own carries a heavy weight of duty and responsibility to protect and to better the community. He has deep roots with an innate sense of social justice. He recognises he has a role to play, one that champions the frail, the young, the sick and the underprivileged. He’s already started to show this altruistic side, with his OVO Sound record label that supports local talent but, our guides say, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Our Witch Twitch says he has a long way to travel, with still many lessons to learn and controversies to be courted, but the journey will shape the boy into the man he was always destined to become.
He’s one of the highest paid presenters on TV thanks to his return to The X Factor so it’s little wonder that Dermot O’Leary is the man the National Television Awards opt for to host their annual televised event. He’s done it for the past six years and will be back fronting it when it comes to The O2 on Wednesday (January 25).
Our Witch Twitch is rather intrigued by the sharp-suited presenter, wondering if his aura of mateyness is natural or staged, so it was with this is mind that we sought clarification from the cards.
Scratch The Surface
What you see is what you get but only if it’s carefully crafted and rehearsed first. That’s the picture the tarot is presenting of the popular frontman. Our guides say there’s a lot of work that goes in to making someone as relaxed in front of the cameras and live audiences as Dermot.
He may look like an ordinary bloke you could go and have a pint with but don’t be fooled. This guy means business. It’s handmade suits, organic diet and rigorous fitness regime all the way. He’s fun to be around but, ultimately, the 43-year-old is a consummate professional. The job comes first.
Our guides say he has the luck of the Irish and was born to present. However, any diversifications are not well starred. Although, our Witch Twitch senses a fashion collaboration could prove lucrative for him.
Friends and Relationships
This is one slow operator when it comes to relationships – just ask his wife, director and producer Dee Koppang who had to wait 10 years before he put a ring on it back in 2014. The BBC Radio 2 presenter likes to take his time with change and, the cards show he must feel a real connection before he can act.
He makes friends quickly and easily but, often out of mistrust, he is slow to transition these relationships into deeper friendships or anything more meaningful. However, our guides say once you do enter his inner shamrock, you’re there for life, with him able to forgive and forget any transgressions or disappointments.
Our Witch Twitch warns there are occasions when he needs to be more open to new experiences and relationships, particularly where work is concerned, otherwise he may be in danger of coming to a standstill. Although with a reported £8million paycheck to present The X Factor for the next four years, we don’t think he’ll be too concerned about being stuck in this particular rut.
Native American Totem
The tarot cards show that Dermot is under the influence of the Native American totem Elk. Not the fastest creature on the planet but one filled with a heightened sense of awareness and full of strength and stamina. This suggests that Dermot takes his time when pursuing a goal; he will always achieve what he sets out to; and will get there in the end with renewed energy. There’s no getting “burned out” for this smart and savvy chappy which is probably one of the reasons his presenting style is so laid back that he’s almost horizontal. Our guides say why fix something that ain’t broke!
Our man Dermot dreams of being a dad to an O’Leary brood. The tarot shows he pictures himself as a dad who’s more of a friend and confidante than a disciplinarian – he’ll leave that to the Missus. Our guides say he would love nothing better than to take his kids to the Emirates Stadium, to watch his beloved Arsenal play. But, our Witch Twitch, warns that no time is the right time and busy schedules are in danger of blocking those dreams from turning into a reality. A little bit of X Factor in the bedroom wouldn’t go amiss, either! Practice makes perfect.
The Witch of the Wharf is a published writer, regular columnist for The Wharf newspaper and blogger