He’s a man dressed as a bat who strikes terror into the heart of criminals in Gotham City. Concealing his true identity, he masquerades as Bruce Wayne, a mega wealthy industrialist, with a taste for fine wine and even finer women. He is Batman – and he’s back on the big screen with his new film The Lego Batman Movie. Our Witch Twitch didn’t need to be asked twice to dowse his well-documented dark depths…
What’s In A Name
With a name like Bruce, Gotham’s self-appointed protector was always starred for greatness. The name dates from medieval times and means deep-rooted strength. It is shared by the 14th century Robert the Bruce, King of Scotland. Legend has it that the Scottish laird learned the value of perseverance from watching a spider spin a web. However, the tarot shows Brucie Baby hasn’t much time for arachnids, especially the Peter Parker type. Our Witch Twitch says our man Bats doesn’t care to Marvel at web-slinging heroes, it’s DC all the way.
Scratch The Surface
He has the looks, the brains, the physical prowess, with a list of accomplishments that would make Leonardo Da Vinci look ordinary so Batman can be forgiven for coming across as a bit of a pompous jerk at times. Although he has no superhuman powers, he is one of the world’s smartest and greatest fighters. He’s an expert in chemistry, criminology, forensics, martial arts, gymnastics, disguise, escape artistry, ventriloquism … we told you he’s no dummy.
The cards suggest that his knowledge of so many disciplines has made him an unconventional and, somewhat, unpredictable individual. They also show that although he is often perceived to be a loner at his very core friendship, affection and love are extremely important to him. Our Witch Twitch says he needs to open himself up to the possibility of team work. There is no “I” in team.
Tall, dark and handsome our boy Bruce has no trouble when it comes to attracting the ladies. However, keeping them is another matter. The billionaire industrialist has been linked with some real beauties including ex fiancée Julie Madison, socialite-turned-nurse Linda Page, Gotham Gazette reporter Vicki Vale, Gotham City Assistant District Attorney Rachel Dawes, and, arguably his one true love Selina ‘Catwoman’ Kyle. They have each wanted to unmask him, to get to his very Bat being but, no matter how close they have come, the playboy has always managed to exit the relationship before getting in too deep.
Our guides suggest the cool businessman has trust and commitment issues which are likely to stem back to when at an early age he witnessed the murder of his mother and father, Martha and Dr Thomas Wayne. The heart is willing but, sadly, unable. However, the cards show there is hope for Gotham’s finest. To have any longtime luck in love he is advised to lighten up his mood a tad, turn that frown upside down and adopt a more flamboyant, metrosexual aesthetic. Our Witch Twitch says it’s worked wonders for The Joker.
Native American Totem
It comes as no surprise to learn that Batman is under the influence of the Native American totem Bat which is just as well as Porcupine or Moose Man doesn’t quite have the same ring. Bat is the symbol of rebirth and embraces the idea of shamanistic death. To earn the right to fly with bat the individual needs to release any former notions of self, often enduring brutal tests of physical strength and psychic ability and having all their emotional buttons punched hard.
The tarot suggests that at times Batman finds the constant demands on him to grow and become his future, to constantly be reborn a little wearying – and confusing. “Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be… Cybernetic Batman, er, no, Man of Bats, erm, let’s switch that to Earth-Two Batman…” Our Witch Twitch says he would be advised to go and sit in a dark room from time to time or else he may find himself going slightly batty.
The Dark Knight carries a heavy burden of responsibility but he secretly desires to follow a life of freedom, excitement and adventure. The cards show he’s a free spirit at heart who dreams of ditching the cape and cowl in favour of a pair of Billabong boardshorts and thongs, jumping in a Campervan, heading down to Huntington Beach on the Californian coast to catch some rideable waves. This is the secret place he heads to in his mind when he dreams of escaping it all.
In reality, though, there will be no Turtle Rolls or cries of “cowabunga” for this dark hero. Our Witch Twitch says he has a much darker path to follow. He’s vengeance. He is the night. He is Batman! And, we can all sleep a lot better knowing that he’s out there guarding us with his batarangs and a can of Shark-Repellant Bat-Spray.
This Tarotscope appears in The Wharf newspaper.
Batman & Catwoman image courtesy of @awesomeanthd
Surf image courtesy of @frankiephoto
He’s a Grammy-Award-winning platinum selling recording artist who holds the record for the most No 1 hits on America's Billboard R&B/Hip Hop chart so it’s little wonder that Drake’s Boy Meets World tour, currently playing various dates at The O2, is a must-bag ticket. But just who is the Canadian rapper, singer, songwriter and record producer and what exactly makes him tick? Our Witch Twitch couldn’t wait to get to work dowsing his hidden depths.
Scratch The Surface
This is one complicated character. On the one hand, our guides say, the Take Care rapper can be loving, sympathetic, kind and generous to the extreme and yet there is another side, a much darker one, that is cold, jealous and egotistical. The cards suggest that like Harvey Dent, this trailblazer faces a constant battle with his demons, never fully knowing which face needs to be revealed to the world. Yet it is this strange and contrasting make-up that is the force behind the Young Money star’s multi-faceted talent. He’s loyal to his team, the OVOs, but unforgiving if crossed. His emotions rarely cloud his judgement. The cards show he’s driven by a need for power, success and status, with material desires high on his agenda – hence the fleet of fast cars and fancy cribs. Yet despite starting from the bottom and now riding high on the top, the Best I Ever Had singer continues to seek approval and acceptance. Our Witch Twitch warns that he needs to curb the fight within or else the mask will become him.
The 30-year-old has been linked with a string of beautiful women including Rihanna, Selena Williams, Zoe Kravitz,Tika Sumpter and even Madonna! He has a type. They need to be smart, strong and sassy - our guides say just like his mother, teacher Sandi Graham, who raised him single-handedly after his musician daddy Larry Graham left. But the romance on everyone’s lips is the one that he’s recently started with the Love Don’t Cost A Thing singer Jennifer Lopez. Publicity stunt or the real deal? Our guides suggest it’s the latter – despite the 17-year age gap. However, the cards suggest Drizzy needs to be less secretive about his desires and to not act like a too cool for school fool or play too hard to get when it comes to romance. He’s a major league player now and can have it all. The cards suggest that Jenny is keen to hang around his block but she’s no Waity Katie. Our Witch Twitch says if DraLo is to flow then Drake needs to show he’s interested and not pretend he’d prefer to hang out with his porn star pals. In fact, that goes for all of Drake’s future romances, too. Yes, there’s a few more to come. And the cards don’t rule out another RiRi reunion.
Native American Totem
The tarot cards show that Drake is under the influence of the Native American totem Owl which may explain his penchant for night eagle-emblazoned designs and clothing – either that or the conspiracy theories that the singer is a member of the Illuminati are true. Flying with Owl makes this bird one smart cookie, one that no one can deceive no matter how hard they try to hide their deception. The totem suggests that the Toronto MC can be a little frightening to be around as he can see right through any ulterior motive. It’s like he has the gift of sight. Our Witch Twitch says the singer should always trust his instincts, listen to his dreams and pay attention to signals and omens as they will always bring him enlightenment. However, the dark side needs to be avoided because it will only end in tears.
This canny mogul has many paths to follow all of which will lead him to greater riches and recognition. But within October’s Very Own carries a heavy weight of duty and responsibility to protect and to better the community. He has deep roots with an innate sense of social justice. He recognises he has a role to play, one that champions the frail, the young, the sick and the underprivileged. He’s already started to show this altruistic side, with his OVO Sound record label that supports local talent but, our guides say, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Our Witch Twitch says he has a long way to travel, with still many lessons to learn and controversies to be courted, but the journey will shape the boy into the man he was always destined to become.
He’s one of the highest paid presenters on TV thanks to his return to The X Factor so it’s little wonder that Dermot O’Leary is the man the National Television Awards opt for to host their annual televised event. He’s done it for the past six years and will be back fronting it when it comes to The O2 on Wednesday (January 25).
Our Witch Twitch is rather intrigued by the sharp-suited presenter, wondering if his aura of mateyness is natural or staged, so it was with this is mind that we sought clarification from the cards.
Scratch The Surface
What you see is what you get but only if it’s carefully crafted and rehearsed first. That’s the picture the tarot is presenting of the popular frontman. Our guides say there’s a lot of work that goes in to making someone as relaxed in front of the cameras and live audiences as Dermot.
He may look like an ordinary bloke you could go and have a pint with but don’t be fooled. This guy means business. It’s handmade suits, organic diet and rigorous fitness regime all the way. He’s fun to be around but, ultimately, the 43-year-old is a consummate professional. The job comes first.
Our guides say he has the luck of the Irish and was born to present. However, any diversifications are not well starred. Although, our Witch Twitch senses a fashion collaboration could prove lucrative for him.
Friends and Relationships
This is one slow operator when it comes to relationships – just ask his wife, director and producer Dee Koppang who had to wait 10 years before he put a ring on it back in 2014. The BBC Radio 2 presenter likes to take his time with change and, the cards show he must feel a real connection before he can act.
He makes friends quickly and easily but, often out of mistrust, he is slow to transition these relationships into deeper friendships or anything more meaningful. However, our guides say once you do enter his inner shamrock, you’re there for life, with him able to forgive and forget any transgressions or disappointments.
Our Witch Twitch warns there are occasions when he needs to be more open to new experiences and relationships, particularly where work is concerned, otherwise he may be in danger of coming to a standstill. Although with a reported £8million paycheck to present The X Factor for the next four years, we don’t think he’ll be too concerned about being stuck in this particular rut.
Native American Totem
The tarot cards show that Dermot is under the influence of the Native American totem Elk. Not the fastest creature on the planet but one filled with a heightened sense of awareness and full of strength and stamina. This suggests that Dermot takes his time when pursuing a goal; he will always achieve what he sets out to; and will get there in the end with renewed energy. There’s no getting “burned out” for this smart and savvy chappy which is probably one of the reasons his presenting style is so laid back that he’s almost horizontal. Our guides say why fix something that ain’t broke!
Our man Dermot dreams of being a dad to an O’Leary brood. The tarot shows he pictures himself as a dad who’s more of a friend and confidante than a disciplinarian – he’ll leave that to the Missus. Our guides say he would love nothing better than to take his kids to the Emirates Stadium, to watch his beloved Arsenal play. But, our Witch Twitch, warns that no time is the right time and busy schedules are in danger of blocking those dreams from turning into a reality. A little bit of X Factor in the bedroom wouldn’t go amiss, either! Practice makes perfect.
Since bagging the Best Actress award at the Golden Globes earlier this week for her flawless performance in La La Land, out in cinemas on Friday, Emma Stone has become Hollywood’s newest golden girl, skyrocketing to the top of every film director’s wish list.
We’ve been a fan of the unconventional beauty since seeing her nail it in the comedy Easy A – we love a spiralling-out-of-control white lie story – and so it was with ease we cast her runes.
What’s In A Name
With a name like Stone she was always going to be immovable once she had decided on her chosen career path. She got the acting bug when she was 12, cast as an otter in a stage version of Wind In The Willows. But, the tarot shows, this rolling stone was never going to stay as support cast member. The bright lights were always calling to this fiercely ambitious and determined red head. Our Witch Twitch says the star’s unwavering belief in her dreams is the key to her power. Take time out to dream it’s what the future is made of.
Love and Romance
Romantics around the world would love the 28-year-old to rekindle her love affair with actor Andrew Garfield. The pair dated on and off for five years after first meeting at the casting for the roles of Peter Parker and his love interest Gwen Stacy in the film that would catapult them both into the big league– The Amazing Spider-Man.
They were seen as one of Hollywood’s young power couples. But, our guides say now Emma’s broken free from the web, and despite still having deep-rooted feelings, it’s unlikely that she’ll skitter back to this particular arachnid.
Our Witch Twitch senses that her next romantic entanglement will be a rather different affair, one that will set a number of tongues wagging. Watch her space.
La Stone (pictured above in a scene from La La Land, with co-star Ryan Gosling) may be drawn to spiders but her Native American Animal Totem is the snake. We’re not saying she shares the same negative traits one often associates with the legless reptile – a Slytherin housemate at Hogwarts, she is not. Whenever the snake sheds its skin it goes through a kind of life-death-rebirth cycle, creating a sense of immortality with each new incarnation.
The tarot shows it is this energy that affords the wide-eyed star the ability to transmute so effortlessly when it comes to the eclectic roles she tackles. There are many more skins to be shed, new embodiments to be revealed, but our Witch Twitch warns Emma needs to always remember who she is at the core – and never take herself too seriously.
What Lies Within
Our guides say that while Emma shares many of the characteristics of the girl-next-door, the approachable type of characters she often portrays, she also has a more adventurous and devilish side.
The tarot shows she can be utterly disarming, unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts which at times may unsettle those around her – especially egotistical co-stars, casting agents and directors. Often what lies within should be closely guarded.
Fortunately, our Witch Twitch says this smart cookie has learned to mask. She cleverly flashes one of her megawatt smiles, places the frog back in the box and waits while the balance is once again restored to La La Land. But the shift is all in her power!
When he picked up the coveted Glitterball as the Strictly Come Dancing 2016 Champion after dazzling with his jazz show dance and jive Ore Oduba went from a modestly known sports presenter to arguably one of the UK’s biggest household name – and one of TV’s hottest commodities.
Who knew that beneath that mild-mannered exterior burned a dazzling star that impressed the widow of the legendary Gene Kelly enough for her to hop on a plane to see him perform in the Strictly final? Our Witch Twitch had its suspicions – and even had a sneaky flutter on the 7/1 outsider. We’ve also had a peek into what the Tarot says is coming into Ore’s Orbit.
Ore’s name means gift from the heavens so, our guides say, the talented TV presenter was always going to shine brightly. There’s no mistaking Ore’s drive and ambition. From a small boy he dreamed of becoming a sports broadcaster. He got his break fronting CBBC’s Newsround but it was only a matter of time before his natural charm and easy-going presenting style drew him to the attention of Big Boys’ TV. He now regularly commentates on sporting events (he along with Clare Balding were the standout presenters at this year’s Olympics) but our Witch Twitch says the Twinkle Toes is going to be dancing to a whole new tune now he has that ball. Forget the supporting roles Ore has shown he’s leading man material.
Scratch The Surface
The Tarot shows that Ore is one of life’s givers. He likes nothing better than adopting the big brother role, supporting those around him and inspiring them to achieve great things. This was evident in the relationship he formed with his Strictly professional dance partner Joanne Clifton. Our Witch Twitch says it’s this unique ability to make others feel great about themselves, a politician’s catnip, that will see Ore achieve great things in the future.
Our guides say the 30-year-old has huge creative ability and a bundle of artistic talents – many of which still remain untapped. If Strictly hadn’t presented itself, the cards show he would never have achieved – or even realised - his potential in dance. The tarot shows that he needs to now open himself up to new challenges, to think outside the TV box. Our Witch Twitch says those parameters are too small for his talent.
There’s already a bidding war between BBC and ITV to be part of the Ore magic. The guides warn that although he needs to ride this particular wave, he shouldn’t be too hasty when it comes to making decisions. The Tarot shows him fronting a new format quiz or chat show. Our Witch Twitch also sees a profitable trip across The Pond in 2017. He doesn’t know it yet but he’s already on some influential radars.
Ore has made no secret that his next goal is to become a father, with his stunning wife TV researcher Portia. The Tarot shows that he is indeed following his inner dream. He pictures himself guiding and fostering the perfect family in the perfect home, with himself in the centre adored by both his wife and children. Our Witch Twitch says like chimney sweep Bert from the film Mary Poppins Ore can conjure up an image and see it become a reality. So whatever his mind’s eye can conceive it will magically achieve.
Norman Cook, aka DJ Fatboy Slim, has been at the forefront of the UK club scene for several decades, earning him legions of loyal fans plus millions in the bank from gigs and album sales. The You’ve Come A Long Way Baby artist is performing for the first time at The O2 on Saturday (December 17), with special guests DJ Club Collective Horse Meat Disco in the much-anticipated The Night Rave Before Christmas.
She’s back on the big screen this week with new film Office Christmas Party in which she plays an uptight CEO. As part of the film’s promotional junket, she’s admitted being part of the Mile High club, discussed the media’s obsession with her body image and voiced her upset at the pressure put upon her to have children.
There’s more than meets the eye to glowing super-celebrity Jennifer Aniston so our Witch Twitch cast the runes to find out more…
The daughter of Days Of Our Lives star John Aniston and goddaughter of Kojak actor Telly Savalas, our girl Jen was always destined for fame and fortune. But when she landed the role of Rachel Green in sitcom Friends no-one, not even the fates, could foresee that she would become one of the richest women in entertainment, with an estimated wealth of $150million. Not bad for a girl who in essence became famous for her hair.
Jennifer’s totem animal is the otter. The true coquette of the animal world this graceful, elegant and playful creature informs the award-winning star’s personality and characteristics.
She is part of a sisterhood (a true girl’s girl), content to share the good fortune of others and assumes all other creatures are friendly – until proven otherwise.
Envy, or cattiness, has no space in her life so those who continue to think she still holds a grudge against Brangelina are widely off the mark. This joyful little creature is all about giving (she’s a great philanthropist and humanitarian but unlike others prefers to keep this under wraps) and, over time, ultimately forgiving.
Our Witch Twitch says don’t be surprised if in the future her shoulder is there for Brad although we can’t quite see the other one supporting Ange.
Our cards show that despite being loved up with her hubby filmmaker and actor Justin Theroux the Horrible Bosses star will always have a place in her heart for Brad. Her relationship with him catapulted her into the upper echelons of Hollywood and helped shape her as a person and as an artist. That break was always going to be hard and throw her off balance.
However, our Witch Twitch says her equilibrium now restored Jen is strong enough to love the way she wants to love. It took the 47-year-old time to find a new lobster but the tarot shows Mr Theroux is a good fit and provides just what she needs – the dirty to her martini.
The Future Looks Bright
The tarot shows the cup runneth over for this sharp businesswoman. There’s another slice of cake to be had and this time it will come complete with icing – the awards and nominations that allude her.
Our guides say there’s a big small screen venture, too, but not the one her legions of adoring fans dream of. No reunion here. That’s firmly in the past for this shining star whose focus is firmly fixed on the future, not the past. Our Witch Twitch says be prepared to expect the unexpected from our favourite friend.
Olly Murs is the boy-next-door who has shown that with the likeability factor, a pair of super tight trousers, some raw talent, a lot of hard work, buckets of self belief and a dose of good fortune you can climb to the top of the entertainment ladder.
On Saturday and Sunday (December 8 & 9), the singer-songwriter will be performing at this year’s Capital FM Jingle Bell Ball 2016 at The O2 alongside artists such as Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding. So we thought we’d take a look into our crystal ball to find out a bit more about the star…
What’s In A Name
Olly’s name is inspired by the olive tree. In biblical terms it is associated with extending an olive branch as an offer of peace. However, our guides say, the Wrapped Up singer doesn’t always follow this gesture of goodwill. The cards suggest he’s a stubborn mule and finds it difficult to forgive and forget. If he feels he’s been wronged by someone, he’ll close the door on that person forever – even if it means hurting himself in the process. He’s not spoken with his twin brother Ben since he made the semi-finals of The X Factor in 2009 – but more about that later. Our Witch Twitch reminds though that to err is human, to forgive divine.
Since splitting with girlfriend of three years, property manager Francesca Thomas, Olly has been playing the field. But, the cards reveal, he’s not a happy chappy. The novelty of being footloose and single is wearing thin. This cat in the hat likes the security and comfort of being in a relationship. But, Ladies, be warned he’s rather picky. To make his heart skip a beat, you need to be ultra feminine, be a great cook, down-to-earth – and be ready to be at his beck and call.
We reckon Olly’s gorgeous gal pal Caroline Flack – with whom he’s been known to have sneaky snog - would be the perfect fit apart from the fact her social calendar’s too full. Our Witch Twitch says that Olly needs to look outside the world of entertainment for a new love but to make sure she’s the real deal. The cards show a reunion with a past flame or flirtation may just be the answer.
Don’t be fooled by the cheeky-chappie persona, the cards show that our Olly has a core of steel. When he auditioned for The X Factor in 2009 and said his ambition was to be a “international superstar” he meant it. Nothing or no-one was going to stop him - his twin Ben found that out when our man Olly chose to rehearse for The X Factor semi-finals instead of attending his brother’s wedding).
Our guides say despite not having the strongest of voices, Olly’s grit, will, determination and sheer hard work has seen the former recruitment consultant now transform into a credible artist. The cards show he has good judgment when it comes to money and commercial matters (unlike others in the Syco stable he’s never fallen out with the boss), and that he understands how to build and accumulate material wealth (he’s now on to his fifth album release with accompanying sell-out tour).
Our Witch Twitch says, as long as he stays true to his roots, always finds the time to play football with his mates, there’s still a lot more singing, presenting and acting to come from the Essex Geezer.
The cards show the 32-year-old dreams of the perfect family life. He pictures himself as an adoring husband, with a beautiful homemaker of a wife, and as a devoted dad, taking Olly Jnr with him to see his beloved Manchester United and treating Little Miss O to the latest Gucci bag. However, the tarot reveals the Grow Up singer is wrestling with this image partly because he feels he’s too young to “settle down”, and partly because he feels he cannot jump off the Murs bandwagon in case he can never again get back on.
Our Witch Twitch says the fates may just step in, take the matter into their own hands by making sure, like one of his song titles suggests, that he’s in the right place at the right time.
There seems to be nothing that comedian, actor, author and presenter David Walliams cannot do. His shelves are groaning under the weight of TV awards, while his book sales have run into the millions. On its release his latest children’s work, The Midnight Gang, went straight to the top of the UK Best Sellers list.
Next week (December 1), sees the 6ft 2in national treasure-in-the-making coming to Indigo at The O2 for a special live Christmas Spectacular where, alongside fellow children’s writer Jeff Kinney, he will entertain with the ubiquitous Walliams’ wit and wonderfulness. A long-time stargazer of the BGT judge, our Witch Twitch was only too happy to cast his runes.
In numerological terms, David’s destiny is driven by the number three, a highly-charged digit that points to the stars. He’s a natural-born showman – and salesman – with a highly-developed imagination able to pitch his self as all things to all men and women. This divine gift has helped him, with comedy partner Matt Lucas, to create some of TV’s most memorable characters.
But, the tarot shows, it’s not all work and no play. Oozing charm, fizzing with fun, Mr Walliams doesn’t just bring the party, he is it. He loves to be the centre of attention, to hold court. Put simply, he loves to be adored. Flattery is his nectar. Our Witch Twitch warns this, however, may also turn out to be his Achilles Heel.
He’s an elegant eagle ray when it comes to the great pool of love; uniquely moving his pectoral fins and abdomen to attract potential mates. Our guides say he falls hard and heavy, always believing he has found “The One”.
However, if the match doesn’t work out, when computer says “No", he may mourn the loss of the relationship for a while but, then dolphin-like, he’ll dive right back in and on to the next “The One”. The cards show he bears no ill-will to those he has loved and lost, including his ex-wife and mother to his son, Alfred, Danish model Laura Stone. One may even say he feels quite sorry for them. After all once you’ve experienced his magnificence everyone else pales into insignificance. However, our Witch Twitch warns there will only be so many The Ones before the ever-optimistic diver hits shallow waters.
Need To Succeed
The Tarot shows that whatever David turns his hand to will be a success. He has total faith in his own abilities so that no challenge or task is too great. Swim the Channel. “Yes, I can do that no problem, let’s throw in The Thames and the Gibralter Straits, too.” Write children’s books. “Why not? I’ll have a go at writing a screenplay for DreamWorks on the side.”
It’s not the new experiences that drive him per se, but the need to demonstrate that he can master them. The tarot shows he has a point to prove which makes our Witch Twitch wonder just whose voice he hears whenever he celebrates another achievement.
Our guides suggest David seeks a bigger stage than little Britain on which to showcase his genius. Hello, Hollywood! Anything Ricky, and Russell can do…
Our Witch Twitch suggests it’s out there for the taking but David will need to switch things up, assume a new role. Rein in the camp and cross-dressing Emily Howard and focus on the Terry Thomas debonair. He’s almost there which bodes well as the crystals show he has so much still left to do. But, Our Witch Twitch, warns at his back he always hears, Time’s winged chariot approaching fast!
An insightful media commentator or an overbearing bully whatever your thoughts are on Jeremy Clarkson there’s no escaping the fact he is indeed a Special One.
The former Top Gear frontman has not been seen on our screens since being axed by the BBC for punching a producer in a row over a cold buffet (yes, hot food is that important to him). But now he’s back with new show, The Grand Tour, which launches tomorrow (November 18) on Amazon Prime, with the biggest budget ever for a streaming internet TV series. It will also see the no-nonsense motor mouth become the highest paid TV star in Britain which, for obvious reasons, has sent our Witch Twitch into overdrive.
What’s In A Name
In Hebrew the name Jeremy means exalted of the Lord. Couple this with his initials being JC and it’s no coincidence that our Jezza is a man who at times can behave like someone with a God complex. The tarot cards suggest this media giant – he is a vertiginous 6ft 5 - has an un-moving mindset that he is infallible; never likes to admit he’s wrong; and would rather die before failing at any task no matter how difficult or daunting it may be. These traits have seen him outmanoeuvre his wingmen, Richard Hammond and James May, in numerous driving challenges; catapult him to the top of his profession; and become an icon to MAWM. Our Witch Twitch points out these same traits were also the driving force behind mass murderer Charles Manson, cult leader David Koresh, whistle-blowing M15 spy David ‘now call me Delores Kane’ Shayler and US President elect The Donald. The heavens say: World you have been warned.
It would appear the stars were perfectly aligned when little Jezza passed his driving test in his grandfather’s ‘R’ type Bentley thus setting in motion a string of events which has seen him glide effortlessly like a Rolls-Royce Ghost Series II from a local reporter to global star. But, our guides say, it’s not all down to luck. This talented individual is fiercely ambitious and a natural born leader. He’s driven by a need to succeed. The tarot shows there are times he fears that fame and fortune may all disappear which is why he sticks to the familiar. He got his lucky break back in the eighties when he had Genesis playing on his in-car cassette player and he strutted his stuff in a trusty pair of Levis. Our Witch Twitch says: If ain’t broke don’t fix it.
Friend Or Foe
Despite the negative impression of him in the media, Jeremy attracts friends easily. However, to be part of his gang, the tea leaves reveal, you need to have a spirit of adventure and be fiercely loyal. If you tick these boxes, you will be richly rewarded, as his co-presenters Hammond and May discovered when they quit Top Gear in protest at his sacking. Friend-to-the-end Jezza immediately got them signed to his new show where they will each earn a reported £7.2million a year – a distinct improvement on the £500,000 annual salary they were said to earn on Top Gear. Loyalty pays. And what’s become of Jezza’s treacherous pal, The Ginger One who was quick to step into his Top Gear size elevens. ‘Evans only knows. And our Witch Twitch says: Frankly, my dear Chris, Mr Clarkson doesn’t give a damn.
The tarot shows that although Jezza comes across as arrogant and super confident deep down he is really quite shy and reserved. His boorish nature is a camouflage for what is inherently a desire to impress. In truth he wants to be liked, to fit in. He really didn’t mean to punch Piers Morgan in the face, take a swipe at those paparazzi or deck that producer. But, our guides, say he wears the mask well and the only one who really knows is the man looking back from the rear-view mirror in the driving seat of the Lamborghini Gallardo.
The Witch of the Wharf is a published writer, regular columnist for The Wharf newspaper and blogger