Q: One of my female work colleagues has sprouting facial chin hairs. I don’t have a problem with it but a few of the guys in the office have started to make jokes about it. How do I politely tell her? Carly, Canary Wharf
A: I’ve tapped into her energy and I’m not sensing that she’s intending to channel her inner Chaz Bono (who we have to admit being a little in love with) or trying to save money on a Hallowe’en costume. It may be that she needs to get her eyes tested or to buy a bottle of Windex to clean her home mirrors in order to clearly see the sproutage.
You could leave a few subtle hints on her desk like a Gillette Mach3 turbo razor, a box of Veet ready-to-use wax strips or a copy of Rufus Cavendish’s The Little Book of Beards.
Alternatively, hide the office wastebasket from the cleaner, fill it daily with rotting fruit and half-eaten sarnies. The office will soon be deluged by flies. This is when you “come to the rescue” with a roll of fly paper.
Pretend to trip over when you’re standing next to the Bearded Lady holding a sheet of the paper. As you put your hands out to steady your fall aim for her chin with the paper, apologize, stand up and then quickly yank - R.I.P you wiry little suckers.
So Mote It Be
The Witch of the Wharf is a published writer, regular columnist for The Wharf newspaper and blogger